


The Reveal of Ze Musical!

by PikaPals16



Series: Six Queens Under One Roof [8]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: But whatever, Musicals, Parrward, aralyn - Freeform, but like the beheaded cousins wrote it, i reference their relationships but it's not that important, it's actually more of a readthrough, reaction fic, seycleves, so let's put them down anyway, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24515980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PikaPals16/pseuds/PikaPals16
Summary: Kitty (and Anne) show the others the musical they've been working on for the past couple days.
Relationships: Everyone & Everyone
Series: Six Queens Under One Roof [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707313
Comments: 64
Kudos: 144





	1. So.....we made a musical.....about us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the announcement made by the beheaded cousins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma write in third person cuz it makes the most sense  
> but i suck at third person so don't judge plsss  
> any feedback is helpful pls help me

It's when the other two Catherines are back from church, and after lunch, that the beheaded cousins gather everyone in the living room for their announcement. The pink and green queens stand in front of the TV while Cath, Jane, and Anna sit on the couch, Catherine deciding to sit in her arm chair. The youngest fiddles with her hands, her anxiety boiling up.

"KitKat. Breathe." The older of the two whispers reassuringly. Kat does as she's told, and her confidence slowly returns to her. "Ready."

"Yeah." The fifth queen then turns her attention to the other four. "Okay. First off, I want to let you know that I'm sorry if I've offended you with what I'm--" Anne clears her throat off to the side. "We're about to show you." Kat quickly fixes.

"Why would we be offended?" The mom friend of the group asks, causing the original maker of the project to purse her lips.

"Remember the project I told you guys about? The one with our histories and I asked to hear your stories?" Each queen answers with some version of 'yes'. "Um.....you see......that project......wasn't exactly for school." Kat manages to squeak out, turning towards the floor to avoid the faces of the others. The four queens hearing the announcement sort through a bunch of emotions--not quite sure how to process it.

"Then, what was it for?" Jane cautiously asks, curious, yet somewhat dreading the answer. The youngest queen turns to her older cousin, silently asking her to explain. The latter rolls her eyes, but proceeds to continue the announcement.

"So.....we made a musical.......about us." At the lack of a response, Anne tries to save the situation. "I mean, it was mostly Kat's idea, and it's about our reigns with Henry--wait you probably guessed that." Cath shakes her head at the green queen's rambling. "But we're putting our stories in new light and we're showing the world that Henry's a d*ck and--"

"Language." Jane remarks, earning an eye roll from all the queens, despite Anne being the one who cussed.

"Basically." The attention is turned back to Kat. "I wanted to make sure that our stories weren't lost to a bunch of lies and misconceptions that historians paint. And I was kind of second guessing myself when I first went to Catherine," The golden queen starts to listen a little more closely at the sound of her name. "but afterwards, you seemed a lot lighter if that makes sense. You said it yourself Catherine." When the two lock eyes, Catherine gives the youngest a small nod. "You all seemed a lot lighter after talking about it, so I thought I was making the right choice. And Anne and I worked really hard getting the actual musical writing in place, so I'd really _really_ appreciate it if you'd give it a chance." The four queens look at each other, looking for some agreement. A moment passes and a consensus is made.

"Sounds great. What's it about?" The red queen speaks for the others. At the sound of approval the beheaded cousins let out a sigh of relief--for Kat, a breath she was holding.

"Thank god. Thank you. Okay. So." The pink queen gestures to the green, who summarizes the story for the queens.

"Basically the six of us are in a band--we don't have a name for it yet--and we're trying to figure out who's the leading lady by holding a competition to see who had the worst life."

"That....sounds.....surprisingly in character." Cath comments. "And _how_ are you going to show us this musical?" Kat holds up a finger as if to say 'one moment', and runs upstairs. Sounds of shuffling are heard until she comes back down, five packets of paper, her notebook, and her laptop in her hands.

"It's read-through time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh imma just make the chapter names the names of the songs (again) cuz i lazy


	2. Ex-Wives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the queens read through ex-wives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay you guys this is how it works: 
> 
> if it's in bold, it's part (hah parr-t. never gets old) of the script  
> bold and italics means it's the song (and they're singing)  
> if it's italics, and in the same writing format (which is the format for the entire thing cuz i don't know how else to do it) it's their thoughts  
> if it's neither, they're speaking out loud

After passing around the scripts, Kat had kept her notebook--the original, the queens form a circle, on the floor insisted by Anna.

"Ready?" Everyone gives the youngest an affirmative nod. "Great." With that, she hits play on her laptop, turning the screen towards the center so everyone can see. It seems to be a video: a simple one, the only images shown are just the colors of the queens, probably to symbolize who's singing what. _Well, that'll come in handy._ The oldest queen thinks to herself.

* * *

 **Catherine:** **Divorced.**

Anna: _This is.....dramatic. To say the least._

Cath: Did the two of you sing as everyone?

Kat: *nods* I sing as Catherine, Jane, and myself--obviously. And Annie sings as herself, Anna and you.

Cath: Thanks.

**Anne: Beheaded.**

**Jane: Died.**

Jane: _Dying was about the least of my troubles to be completely honest._

**Anna: Divorced.**

**Kat: Beheaded.**

**Cath: Survived.**

Cath: _Would you call it surviving? I didn't last that long after Henry. If anything, I'd probably say Anna's the survivor._

**Catherine: And tonight, London, we are.**

***silence***

Jane: Did it freeze?

Anne: Just wait.

**_All: LIIIIIIIIIVE!_ **

Anna: Oh DAMN you got harmonies!!

Cath: _Something I know I struggle with...._

**_Catherine: Listen up! Let me tell you a story!_ **

**_Anne: A story that you think you've heard before!_ **

**_Jane: We know you know our names and our fame and our faces,_ **

Catherine: Do they _really_ though?

Beheaded cousins: Shhhhhhh.

Catherine: *rolls eyes*

**_Anna: Know all about the glories and the disgraces._ **

Anna: _A lot more disgraces than glories if we're being honest._

**_Kat:_ _I'm done 'cause all this time, I've been just one word in a stupid_ _rhyme._**

Anna: Hoo! Nice riff there Kat!

Kat: There's a lot more where that came from.

Cath (at the same time as above): _That's clever of the two of you. Referencing the initial rhyme at the start. Now I see why you have me say survived._

**_Cath: So I picked up a pen and a microphone._ **

**_All: History's about to get overthrown!_ **

Anne: You can say that again!

Jane: Anne, you helped write the song.

Anne: That doesn't mean I can't react to it. Kat's the one who put everything together and she wouldn't let me hear it! *gives Kat a death stare*

Kat: *tries to ignore Anne*

**Catherine: Divorced**

**Anne: Beheaded**

**Jane: Died**

**Anna: Divorced**

**Kat: Beheaded**

**Cath: Survived**

Anna: Man, this song's got a good beat!

Anne: I made sure that every song is a bop!

Kat: I put everything together though!

Jane: Girls, I don't think now's a good time to argue.

Beheaded cousins: Sorry mum.

**All: But just for you tonight, we're divorced, beheaded, _LIIIIIIVE!_**

Cath: Nice switch up there. Pretty good.

Catherine: How have we not gotten to the chorus yet and it's this good?

Beheaded cousins: The work of geniuses!

Everyone else: *rolls eyes*

_**All: Welcome to the show, to the histo-remix!** _

Jane: _I bet Kat came up with that. Funny how Anne allowed the pun in there._

_**All: Switching up the flow, as we add the prefix! Everybody know that we used to be six wives. Raising up the roof 'till we hit the ceiling. Get ready for the truth that will be revealing! Everybody knows that we used to be six wiiiiiiiives. But now we're ex-wives!** _

Cath: _Oh, I get it. The prefix is the ex because we're now "ex-wives"_

Anna: *starts dancing and vibing during the instrumental*

_**Catherine: All you ever hear and read about,** _

_**Anne: Is our ex and the way it ended.** _

Jane (muttering): You can say that again.

Anna (who overheard): _Right. There isn't much about what happened to us. Especially Jane and Cath._ *takes Jane's hand and gently squeezes*

Jane: *squeezes back and doesn't let go, smiling at her girlfriend's interaction*

_**Jane: But a pair doesn't beat a royal flush.** _

Catherine: _I have no idea what a card reference has to do with this._

**_Anna: You're gonna find out how we got unfriended._ **

Jane, Anna, Catherine and Cath: *looks to Kat*

Kat: We put in modern references for fun. Also so people can somewhat understand.

Catherine: Ah.

_**Kat: Tonight we're gonna do ourselves justice, 'cause we're taking you to court!** _

Anna (to Anne and Kat): You better have, or you're gonna get it.

Jane: Calm down babe.

Kat and Anne: *holding in snickers*

_**Cath: And every Tudor rose has its thorns and you're gonna hear it live. In consort!** _

**Catherine: Divorced**

**Anne: Beheaded**

**Jane: Died**

**Anna: Divorced**

**Kat: Beheaded**

**Cath: Survived**

**All: But just for you tonight, we're divorced, beheaded, _LIIIIIIVE!_**

All (because they know this part and it's catchy): _**LIIIIVE!**_ (in other words, they sang along)

 _**All: Welcome to the show, to the histo-remix!** _ _**Switching up the flow, as we add the prefix! Everybody know that we used to be six wives. Dancing through the night 'till the break of day. Once we're done we'll start again like it's the Renaissance.** _

Cath: _Funny, because although I'm pretty sure it's referring to the era, it works with the double meaning. A revival or renewed interest in something._

_**All: Everybody knows that we used to be six wiiives! But now we're** _

_**Catherine: (riffing) Ex wives!** _

Catherine: Are you expecting me to do that?

Anne: Uh, yeah.

Catherine: Why?

Anne: Because you obviously can. I've heard you do it before.

Anna: Now I wanna hear it.

Catherine (getting annoyed): Not now!

**All (but Catherine): Divorced**

_**Catherine: My name's Catherine of Aragon. Was married 24 years, I'm a paragon of royalty.** _

Catherine: _Well, it's true._

_**My loyalty is to the Vatican so if you try to dump me** _

Everyone: *cough* Henry.

_**You won't try that again.** _

**All (but Aralyn): Beheaded.**

Jane: _Oh, so these are introductions. I wonder how Kat and Anne portrayed me?_

_**Anne: I'm that Boleyn girl, and I'm up next. See, I broke England from the church** _

Catherine: _Yes, you did._

**_Anne: Yeah, I'm that sexy._ **

Catherine: _I don't want to admit it, but yes, you are._

**_Anne: Why did I lose my head? Well, my sleeves may be green, but my lipstick's red._ **

**All (but Jane): Died.**

Jane: _Here we go._

**_Jane: Jane Seymour the only one he truly loved._ **

**All: Rude.**

All (yes, Jane too) (at the same time): Rude. *looks at each other* *starts giggling*

_**Jane: When my son was newly born, I died. But I'm not what I seem or am I?** _

Anna: We all know about the sneaky side of you JJ.

Jane: *blushes*

_**Jane: Stick around and you'll suddenly Seymour. **_

Parrward and Anna: *giggles at pun*

Jane and Catherine: *can appreciate the pun*

Anne: *cringes and rolls eyes*

**All (but Seycleves): Divorced**

_**Anna: Ich bin Anna of Cleves.** _

**All (but Anna): JA!**

Anna: Aww, you included some German! Thanks Kat!

Kat: *winks*

_**Anna: When he saw my portrait, he was like:** _

**All: (but Anna): JA!**

_**Anna: But I didn't look as good as I did in my pic. Funny how we all discuss that, but never Henry's little--** _

_**Kat: PRICK UP YOUR EARS! I'm the Katherine who lost her head.** _

Jane: *mom energy intensifies*

Anna and Anne: *cackling*

Catherine and Cath: *smirks and shakes their heads*

Kat: *is proud*

**All (but Kat): Beheaded**

_**Kat: For my promiscuity outside of** _ **wed.**

Cath: Wait, babe, it wasn't promiscuity. You were--

Kat: I know. But that's how it's painted throughout history. Plus, I don't wanna make it all heavy--the introductions are supposed to be cheeky.

Jane: That doesn't take anything away.

_**Kat: Lock up your husbands, lock up your sons. K Howard is here and the fun's begun!** _

Kat: Trust me guys, I do myself justice later on in my song.

Anna, Jane, Catherine, and Cath: *looks to Anne*

Anne: *nods* (trust her it's fine)

Others: *still concerned but nods*

**All (but Parrward): Survived**

_**Cath: Five down, I'm the final wife. I saw him to the end of his life.** _

Cath: _Huh. This doesn't talk much about my history. Though, what'd I expect in the first place?_

_**Cath: I'm the survivor Catherine Parr. I bet you wanna know how I got this far. I said I bet you wanna know how we got this far. Hey!** _

**All: Do you wanna know how we got this far?**

Anna: _Uhh yeah we do!_

_**All: Then welcome to the show, to the histo-remix! Switching up the flow, as we add the prefix! Everybody know that we used to be six wives.** _

All: *singing along with the recording*

_**All: Get your hands up! Get this party buzzin'! You wanna queen bee? Well there's half a dozen! Everybody knows that we used to be six wiiiiives!** _

The one(s) who love puns: _Hah Parr-ty._

Catherine: _Might as well call us a six-person choir with the amount of harmonies in this._

**_All: Wiiiives! But now we're_ _ex-wives!_ **

_Chaotic three: *chaotic dancing and vibing*_

_The other three: *dancing but less messy*_

**All: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six!**

Beheaded cousins: *dramatic pose*

* * *

"Whoa. That was...." The red queen breathes out. "Literally one of the best songs I've ever heard." The others all nod, saying their agreements. Hearing them praise the song gave Kat more confidence than she had before.

"Thank god it's not terrible and you actually want to keep going." The blue queen smirks.

"Of course we want to keep going." The beheaded cousins give an affirmative nod as Kat takes the initiative (she is the director after all).

"Alright. Everyone open your scripts please. Anna, you have the first line." _Aw hell yes!_ The mentioned queen thinks to herself, clearing her throat, and ultimately starting.

**Anna: London how ya doin' tonight?!**

"The audience screams." The golden queen reads skeptically.

"Well, obviously, they're going to love it so much they'll be all hyped up." Anne retorts before saying her own line.

**Anne: She said, HOW YA DOIN' TONIGHT?!**

Kat and Anna cheer to imitate the audience. The silver queen shakes her head as she reads off her line.

**Jane: We are**

"Wait Kitty, what does this mean? 'insert band name'?" The blue queen questions.

"Anne and I came up with the idea that we're always singing the name of our band. Again, we haven't come up with it yet because it's also going to be the name of the musical." The one who asked the question sit back and nods as the pink queen gives Jane the cue to continue. "So we sing that and then..."

**Jane: And welcome to our divorced beheaded live.......CONCERT!**

**Kat: And London have we got a lot in store for you tonight.**

"Do I have to do the riff?"

"Yes." The answer coming from an unnamed queen, as no one remembers who says it, but a queen nonetheless.

**Catherine: Mhm. We got riffs to ruffle your ruffs. _Yeah. Yeah._**

"Damn girl you can riff!"

"That's my girlfriend for ya!" The comments come from Anna and Anne respectively, and cause the oldest queen to smile inside--though she won't dare show it.

**Cath: Shimmies to shake off your 'shinese.**

The last three queens spend a few seconds shimmying. _I guess its their thing. They certainly were reincarnated on better terms after all, of course they've bonded a little more._ The silver queen thinks.

**Jane: And a whole lot of history**

**Cath: Or as we like to call it,**

Cath takes a slight pause for dramatic effect.

**HER-story.**

Catherine unconsciously looks at her girlfriend for her reaction, to which she responds with:

"Come on, I don't hate all puns." The comment is somewhat awkwardly broken with a sort-of fake laugh from Jane. When the queens look at her in question, her eyes widen as she simply replies.

"The um, script says to fake laugh. I thought we were going on." Kat quickly checks her script and sure enough, the third queen is correct.

"Jane's right, but why don't we just go to Catherine's line."

**Catherine: So, obviously you know who we are.**

**Kat: Please, no portraits.**

**Catherine: But give it up for our ladies in waiting!**

"That's awful nice of you to include the ladies as well Kat."

"Yeah, and it was awful nice of you to not tell Cathy and I that they were reincarnated." At the sound of that, Cath scoots back to the back of the couch (she had been sitting on the edge), clearly not wanting to get involved. "Listen, I get where you're coming from, not wanting to hurt our feelings or whatever because Rocky and Maud are nowhere to be seen, but you could've at least told us."

"Sorry about that Besteline. But, I gotta ask, how'd you find out? Cath, you too?"

"I got it from Anne, then I told Cathy." The two mother-like queens nod. "It's fine. I just miss Rocky."

"And I miss Maud." The queens who were on either side of the 'left out' queens wrap their arms around them. "Can we continue? I don't want to draw on the subject any longer than needed." The blue queen's girlfriend nods in agreement.

"Okay." The silver queen looks in her script to see who has the next line. "Anne?" At the sound of her name, she introduces her lady in waiting.

**Anne: We got Maggie on the guitar**

"Maggie does her guitar solo." Catherine unconsciously takes the role of reading whatever stage directions (there aren't that much) are written in the script.

**Anna: Bessie on the bass**

"Bessie has a bass solo."

**Cath: And killing it on the keys we've got Joan!**

"Wait, not to be rude, but why aren't I saying that?" Jane tries her hardest not to offend anyone--namely Cath.

"Joan actually played somewhat of a role in Cathy's life as well." The third queen looks to the last, who purses her lips and nods. _Well, Joan was always a good person._ Jane reflects.

"Well, I'm glad she was there for you as well Cath." A breath is released from Cath's lungs, and a smile is placed on her face.

"So, Joan has her solo..."

**Catherine: And with beats so sick they'll give you gouts is Maria on the drums!**

"And Maria has hers."

**Anna: So, you came here tonight to party with us old school.**

**Jane: Really. Really old school.**

_Heh. You've got that right._ The first queen recalls.

**But we're not here to have fun, we've got a serious score to settle.**

**Kat: Because you see London, the problem there's six of us, and we know you've all got your favorites.**

**Catherine: Mhm. Everyone wants to know who's the most important one.**

"Me. Obviously." The remark comes the second queen.

"I beg to differ. Actually--"

"Guys, we're gonna get to the arguing later in the musical, can we not right now? Thanks." _Someone's being a bit bossy._ Anna thinks, mostly as a joke, but regrets the thought crossing her mind as it could very well be offensive. Thankfully, she didn't say it out loud.

**Anna: And they've been arguing about it for centuries.**

**Cath: We've heard it all.**

**Catherine: Who lasted the longest, was the strongest.**

_I mean, I did sit through his anger issues and three affairs._

**Anne: The biggest sinner is obvs the winner.**

_Let's be honest, I'm just the most important._

**Jane: Who had the son takes number one.**

_Edward was the reason most people celebrated me._

**Anna: Who was most chased shall be first place.**

_He did go do a lot of things just to marry me. Initially, at least._

**Kat: The most in glorious is victorious.**

_If we were to hold the competition in real life, I'd probably win. No. I'd definitely win._

**Cath: The winning contestant is the most proTEStant.**

_That's a weird way to put it. But a way nonetheless._

**Cath: PROtestant....**

Various queens giggle at the little remark.

**Catherine: And tonight, we're here to answer your questions once and for all!**

**Anne: AND TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT!**

_Of course she'd add that in. Anne's obsessed with Spice Girls._ Every queen notes.

**To know....**

**Jane: That's right. We're here to help you figure out which one of us is,**

**Anna: The queen of the castle.**

**Jane: The rose among the thorns.**

**Kat: The Thomas Cromwell among the royal ministers between 1532 and** **1540!**

"History nerd..." Anne mutters under her breath, despite writing the very sentence with her.

**Catherine: But how the purgatory are they going to choose their leading lady?**

**Anne: HOLD UP! If this is going to be a fair competition, they're going to have to judge us on the one thing we've all got in common.**

**Jane: The queen to take the crown should be the one who had the biggest**

**Cath: The firmest**

**Catherine: The fullest**

_I don't like where this is going..._ Jane thinks, channeling the inner mother in her.

**Anna: Load of BS to deal with from the man who put a ring on it.**

A small fit of laughter bursts from the queens and the silver queen lets out a sigh. _Good. I don't know what I was thinking. Of course Kat wouldn't write that._

**Kat: So, London, we're going to hold a little contest for you.**

**Anne: And the rules are simple.**

_Alright. Here's the plot setup._ Cathy observes.

**Cath: The queen who was dealt the worst hand,**

**Jane: The queen with the most hardships to withstand,**

**Anna: The queen for whom it didn't really go as planned,**

Everyone looks at Kat, who cues them to talk at the same time.

**All: Shall be the one to lead the band.**

**Catherine: So what'chu think London? Are you ready to choose your leading lady?**

**Kat: She said, ARE YOU READY?**

"And then after they scream a little bit more, we go into Catherine's monologue." The blue queen thinks about something for a moment before speaking her idea.

"I think it'd be a better transition if you had some sort interlude, or reprise, kind of like who will take the crown? Something with a crowning, or coronation?"

"Ooh! How about..." The queen to first speak up is the red one. " _Welcome to the show, to the coronation._ "

"It's a great start, but what would rhyme with coronation?" The next to write is the silver.

" _Who will take the crown--be the pop sensation?_ "

" _Everybody knows that we used to be six wives._ And we could have some sort of echo in this one, that way it's a bit different." The older of the cousins blinks twice at the amazing composing that's being witnessed, where the younger is buried in her notebook, already writing it down.

"Maybe we should've worked on this all together if we're all this good." Anne speaks her thoughts.

"But then it wouldn't have been a surprise. I thought of this, to sort of help you guys, so consider it a gift." Everyone swoons at Kat's thoughtfulness--a trait that's mostly seen by Cath. 

Kat has a thought to herself. _Well, they like it. The first step to making it real. Making it happen._

_Let's do this thing!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo it's kind of script format because how else am i supposed to do this i've never written a reaction fic uhhh yeah.
> 
> hope this doesn't suck. i gotta be honest i got kinda lazy at the end it's so long. PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK (this is nothing like anything else i've written so help)
> 
> also the second chorus is different live than in the recording.....so yeah
> 
> Besteline--bestie


	3. No Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the queens react to no way

The queens take a quick water/bathroom break before diving in to the next section. Once everyone's settled again, the beheaded cousins turn to Catherine, knowing it's her monologue next. Seeing this, the golden queen nods her head and starts her line.

**Catherine: But there's only one you need to hear from tonight. London, I'm about to win this competition!**

_Pff. Yeah right._ The queen's girlfriend thinks to herself.

**Maria, gimme a beat!**

"One second." Kat searches for something on her laptop before pulling up another video. The screen is gold, and as the youngest queen hits play, a drum sequence is heard. "Try and time it with this." Catherine gets the memo, and continues on with her monologue.

**OOH! Muy bien! So, since the day I arrived in England, let's just say my faith has been tested on more than one occasion. First things first, I was shipped over from Spain on the night of my sweet sixteen to marry some prince called Arthur and I'm like, ok.**

_Catherine, I know you were only sixteen, but you're not the only one who got shipped over._ The red queen internally retorts.

**But then, Arthur died so naturally I'm imprisoned for seven years. Really helped with the grieving process you know, but still I'm like, ok.**

_I wonder why you were imprisoned when Arthur died, but I wasn't when Edward or John died. Perhaps age?_

**But then by God they rescued me just in time to marry Prince Henry.....my dead husband's brother.....okay. So I'm thinking, "bit weird", but if you'd seen him back in the summer of '09 he was, okay.**

"Wait, he wasn't always a tall fat bastard?" Anna's comment is somewhat sarcastic, and causes the queens to burst into laughter--even Catherine, who _was_ trying her best not to break.

"I mean, he was okay, but not that great."

"It's because you saw me!" The second queen adds on. The first rolls her eyes in response, ignoring the ~~cute~~ queen and continuing to read.

**So seven years later, we're still trying for an heir. And he's trying really hard, and I'm like, okay.**

_I don't think that that's that healthy to go along with absolutely everything. Although, I don't really have a place to say that do I?_ The silver queen contemplates.

**But then he starts coming home late. 'I was just out with my ministers'.**

Everyone laughs at Catherine's mocking impression of Henry. But this time, the golden queen can still her laughter.

**But there's lipstick on his ruff. And I'm like, huh, okay. Suddenly, he wants to annul our marriage, move _some girl_ into _my_ palace, and move _me_ into a convent!!**

Various queens look to Anne for her reaction, only to get a shrug.

"Don't look at me, i've already sorted myself out."

**No no no no no. I just, don't think I'd look that good in a wimple. So I'm like: No. Way.**

After thinking for a second, Catherine gives the awaiting Kat her thoughts.

"Well, Kat, I think you found a good middle-ground. I appreciate you not going too in depth." _Now, I mean it. As much as I love the others, I don't think I'd be comfortable with all of them knowing. So, thank you._

"I'm glad. You wanna hear your song now?" The youngest queen asks with much anticipation.

"Yeah. Let's do it."

* * *

Kat pulls 'No Way' up on her laptop and faces the screen towards the center once more. _First solo song coming right up!_ The pink queen hits the space bar and the song starts to play.

_**All (but Catherine): N-n-n-n-n-n-no way.** _

_**Catherine: There's no way.** _

Catherine: I _can tell there's some reference to some of the Spanish music I listen to. Or maybe Kat got some inspiration from Shakira or someone like that._

_**You must agree that baby in all the time I've been by your side, I never lost control no matter how many times I knew you lied.** _

Seycleves: I _guess this is where Catherine's strong leader type personality comes from._

_**Had my golden rule.** _

Literally any queen up to you: _Hah. Nice._

**_Gotta keep my cool, yeah, baby._ **

**_All (but Catherine): You know she's gotta keep her cool._ **

Anna: Oh, we still get to sing in all of them?

Beheaded cousins: *nods*

Anna: Hell yeah.

_**Catherine: And even though you had your fun. Running around with some pretty young** **thing.**_

Cath: _Agh. More harmonies. *_ feeling slightly uneasy knowing her voice prefers to stay in the lower range. Meaning, harmonies.*

_**And even though you've had one son with someone who don't own a wedding ring!** _

Catherine: Wait, I never told you that.

Anne: I did some research. Henry became more desperate for a 'real' son after the illegitimate son was born.

Catherine: *purses lips*

Anne: You okay babe?

Catherine: Yeah. Just gives more reason to say Henry's an ass.

_**No matter what I heard, I didn't say a word, no. Baby.** _

_**All (but Catherine): You know she never said a word.** _

_**Catherine: I've put up with your** _

_**All: SH--** _

Jane: _Oh thank god they censored it._

Everyone else: *stares at Jane*

Jane: *realizes she said it out loud*

Either beheaded cousin: Don't worry Jane! There's only one cuss in the entire show.

Jane: _That's not settling, but one is better than the amount I know they'd put._

**_Catherine: Like every single day._ **

**_All (but Catherine): Wa-oh! Wa-oh!_ **

**_Catherine: But now it's time to_ **

**_All: SH--_ **

**_Catherine: And listen when I say_ **

Anna: _I wonder how Kat and Anne managed to make all these bops. But more importantly. I wonder what mine sounds like._

_**You must think that I'm crazy. You wanna replace me, baby there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way.** _

Kat: *starts dancing*

_**If you thought for a moment, I'd grant you annulment just hold on there's.** _

Beheaded cousins: *joining in on the next parr-t*

_**N-n-n-n-n-n-no way.** _

Everyone at this point: *dancing and/or bopping head to beat*

_**No way. No way. There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way. No way. No way. There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way. There's no way.** _

Anna: _Aww. Dance break over already?_

_**So you read a Bible verse that I'm curse 'cause I was your brother's wife? You say it's a pity-cause quoting Leviticus, I'll end up kiddy-less all my life!** _

Cath: _That's actually pretty clever you two._

Catherine: *is shooketh that this is part of her song*

_**Well daddy weren't you there. When I gave birth to Mary?** _

The ones who gave birth: NOPE.

The others: *knows but is still confused*

**Oh, you don't remember?**

**_All (but Catherine): Daughters are so easy to forget._ **

All: _You can say that again._

**_Catherine: You're just so full of_ **

**_All (but Catherine): SH--_ **

**_Catherine: Must think that I'm naive_ **

Anne: _Naive is the last thing I'd call you._

**_All (but Catherine): Wa-oh! Wa-oh!_ **

**_Catherine: I won't back down, won't_**

**_All: SH--_ **

**_Catherine: And know I'll never leave. You must think that I'm crazy. You wanna replace me, baby there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way._ **

Chaotic three: *singing along (to the n-n-no part)*

_**If you thought it'd be funny to send me to a nunnery, hunny there's** _

_**All: Nooooooooo way!** _

Cath: _Aghhhh harmonies!_

Catherine: _Nice. Sounds just like the covenant I visited that one time._

**_Catherine: No way. No way. There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way. No way. No way. There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way. There's no way._ HEY!**

All: *a lot of dancing*

_**You've got me down on my knees, please tell me what you think i've done wrong.** _

Catherine: _Why does this sound familiar?_

_**Been humble, been loyal, I've tried to swallow my pride all along.** _

Catherine: _Wait.....this is from.....my last day in the palace..._

**_If you could just explain a single thing I've done to cause you pain,_ **

Catherine: _But I haven't told anyone about that day. Not Jane, I didn't tell Kat, not even Anne. Unless....._

**_I'll go._ **

Catherine: Anne.

Anne: *reluctantly looks up* _I was hoping you wouldn't notice..._ Yes?

Catherine: Were you...

Anne: Yeah.

Catherine: But why didn't you interfere?

Anne: .....I was scared. I always looked up to you, from the beginning. When I saw you....*ahem*..you know. I was scared to see you in that state. You were the ground and it started to shake.

Cath: _I don't want to say anything, but that was pretty poetic._

Catherine: Anne....

Anne: *walks over to Catherine and hugs her*

Catherine: *hugs back*

Everyone else: *speechless*

 **No? _You've got nothing to say! I'm not going away! There's no way!!_**

Catherine: _At least this time I can stand up for myself and not be pushed away from the king._

**_You must think that I'm crazy. You wanna replace me, baby there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way. You made me your wife, so I'll be queen 'til the end of my life! N-n-n-n-n-n-no way._ **

**_All (but Catherine) (in the background): No way. No way._**

**_Catherine: *riffing*_ **

All: *dancing and bopping resuming*

**_All: There's n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no way!_ **

**_Catherine: There's no way!!_ **

Catherine (after a few seconds): I think you did me justice Katherine Howard.

Kat: *is relieved*

* * *

"OhthankgodIthoughtitwasn'tgoodenoughI'msoglad!!" Catherine tilts her head in confusion before turning to Jane, who somehow almost always manages to understand when the cousins get like this.

"She's just grateful you liked it." The oldest makes an 'o' with her mouth before turning her attention to the youngest.

"Well, you're welcome. Thank you for writing it." Kat gives her a sweet smile of appreciation. A moment of silence passes before the green queen (who didn't bother moving to her original spot) lightly taps the golden. "Is it my line, love?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

**Catherine: So...clearly I had the most to deal with from the king. AND I hit that top C, so ya know.....like Donde esta my crrrrrrrrrrown?**

"Oh my god it's even better in real life!" Everyone looks at Anne in confusion. "Lina rolling her r's. Just as great as I imagined it."

"Ugh. get a room you two." Anna comments in fake disgust--she's just toying with them.

"Yeah, but later when we're all done." _Well, not the reaction I was expecting, but it's Anne._

"Anna, why'd you have to encourage her?" Cath complains.

"It's not her fault." Surprisingly, Kat speaks to defend Anna.

"Babe, you're supposed to be on my side."

"Sorry not sorry." The pink queen says the phrase as if she's referencing something, to which only Anne understands. The other composer of the musical starts getting excited, eyes widening, and smile growing. "Imma say my line now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the thing with reaction fics you see.....how do the characters have full on conversations in between the 1 or less second in between the lines of the song? I have no idea. 
> 
> But see, we're not going to question it
> 
> also, no transitions 'cause they don't need it no more.


	4. Don't Lose Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queens react to don't lose your head

**Kat: Wait, hold on a sec, who was that other one?**

**Catherine: I think you're thinkin' of me!**

"Am I really that full of myself guys?" The golden queen asks.

".....Sometimes." The silver queen lightly puts it, followed by various forms of agreements from the other queens. The result? A classic eye roll from the original queen herself.

**Jane: No, there was definitely a _really_ important one.**

**Catherine: Yup. Still me!**

**Cath: Yeah, I think she like overlapped with you.**

**Anna: Yeah, the really famous controversial one that people actually care about.**

Anne, still settled next to Catherine, squeezes the first queen's hand, a simple and little reminder of the people who really care about her. At the gesture, the green queen gets a little peck on the cheek.

"Uh, Jane really quick before you say your line, let me pull up the backing track..." The pink queen quickly pulls up the next video titled 'Anne Boleyn Introduction'. "Just try and time it like Catherine did." Everyone gives an affirmative nod, besides Anne, who already seems to have created some blocking. The second queen pulls out her phone, not paying attention whatsoever. _Well, it's in character._ The lead director notes.

**Jane: Yeah...you know...the one you've been waiting for.**

**All (but Anne and Jane): *echo***

**Kat: The mystery**

**Anna: The one who changed history**

**All (but Anne): History, the one who changed history mystery, the temptresssssssss.**

_Well, that was a mouthful._ The blue queen mentally notes.

 **Catherine:** **The one with the plan. The plan to steal the man.**

"Or woman." Anne jokes off to the side. Her plan was to not pay attention at all, but the green can't resist a little bi-joke.

**All (but Anne): ANNE!**

**Cath: The one who chased the king,**

**Jane: But payed the price with a swordsman's swing.**

Everyone jumps slightly at the unexpected sword sound effect--mostly Kat and Anne, despite already knowing it was there.

**All (but Anne): Will she be the one to win?**

The youngest queen pauses the video for a second.

"Um, I forgot to record this, but we're kind of singing Anne's name. It's like, we're building a chord or whatever." Cath cringes internally, knowing that she has difficulty in this area. The blue queen quickly glances around, and a wave a relief washes over her when she sees no one notices her reaction. "So, we all start unison, then I think Cath and Jane should build next, and Catherine and I will finish the top." The pink queen hums a few starting notes, then cues the rest in.

_**Anne Boleyn...Anne Boleyn...Anne Boleyn.** _

Kat motions to do it again.

_**Anne Boleyn Anne Boleyn Anne Boleyn Anne Boleyn!!** _

The fifth queen cuts them off, and there's an awkward silence. _Uhh who's line is it?_ Jane thinks to herself as she quickly checks the script. The third queen stares at Anne, who is currently occupied by her phone. Catherine lightly taps the second queen, and she snaps out of it.

**Anne: What? Oh. Sorry.**

* * *

Kat, who had been pulling up the next song during the silence, presses play. Anna and Cath, who had been somewhat enjoying the silence for a bit, jump a little at the sudden chord.

_**Anne: Grew up in the French court. Oui Oui, Bonjour. Life was a chore, so** _

_**All (but Anne): She set sail** _

_**Anne: 1522, came straight to the UK.** _

Anne: _Funny. I don't think I was ever straight. But it's not like anything else worked so it's fine._

**_Anne: All the British dudes, lame._ **

**_All (but Anne): Epic fail._ **

Anna: _Seriously, how did they create a whole bunch of bops within like two days?_

**_Ooh._ **

**_Anne: I wanna dance and sing!_ **

**_All (but Anne): Politics._ **

**_Anne: Not my thing._ **

All: *quiet giggling*

_**All (but Anne): Ooh.** _

_**Anne: But then I met the king. And soon my daddy said, you should try and get ahead.** _

Anna: THE Anne Boleyn? Making puns? What a day it's been.

Anne: It's not a pun. It's a double meaning!

Jane: I'd still consider it a pun darling.

Anne: Not you too mum!

Kat: *giggling*

Anne: Oh shut up KitKat! *looks at the other two Catherines who haven't spoken*

Catherine and Cath: *not wanting to get involved but is clearly amused*

_**Anne: He wanted me, obviously. Kept messaging me like everyday.** _

Catherine: _How could I forget?_

_**Couldn't be better, then he sent me a letter and who am I kidding? I was prêt à manger.** _

Jane: Um, what does that......

Kat and Anne: *eyes widening because of the dirty meaning*

Jane: *the look*

Anne: Ready to eat....

Anna and Cath: *giggles*

Catherine: *annoyed*

Jane: ......

_**All (but Anne): Ooh.** _

_**Anne: Sent a reply.** _

_**All (but Anne): Ooh.** _

_**Anne: Just saying 'Hi'** _

_**All (but Anne): Ooh.** _

_**Anne: You're a nice guy,** _

All (but Jane): _Not in the slightest._

Jane: _I mean, he wasn't the greatest...._

_**I'll think about it maybe, XO baby.** _

_**All (but Anne): Uh oh.** _

_**Anne: Here we go.** _

_**All (but Anne): You sent him kisses.** _

_**Anne: I didn't know I would move in with his missus.** _

_**All (but Anne): WHAT?** _

_**Anne: Get a life.** _

_**All (but Anne): You're living with his wife?!** _

**_Anne: Like, what was I meant to do?_ **

Cath: _Very much sounds like high school gossip girls getting some good material._

**_Sorry not sorry 'bout what I said._ **

Cath, Anna, Jane, and Catherine: _Oh that's what you were referencing._

**_I'm just tryin' to have some fun. Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head._ **

Cath and Jane: _Very ironic._

_**I didn't mean to hurt anyone. LOL.** _

Cath: Modern referencing I see?

Anne: I mean, it obviously fits.

_**Say, oh well. Or go to hell. I'm sorry not sorry 'bout what I said. Don't lose your head.** _

Jane: _This is pretty catchy. It's already stuck in my head._

**_Three in the bed_ **

Catherine: But it never was 'three in the bed'.

Anne: shhhhh..... (now whispering in her ear) if you listen, i'll give you something later....

Catherine: *blushes furiously* ('mad' whispering in Anne's ear) Shut up or you're gonna get it.

_**And the little one said: "If you wanna be wed, make up your mind!"** _

Cath: _Henry isn't capable of making up his mind_

_**Her or me? Chum, don't wanna be some girl in a threesome. Are you blind?!** _

All: *various forms of agreements*

_**All (but Anne): Ooh.** _

_**Anne: Don't be bitter.** _

Jane: Wait, who're you talking to?

Anne: Catherine.

Jane: Okay, thanks.

_**All (but Anne): Ooh.** _

_**Anne: 'Cause I'm fitter.** _

Anna: I'm pretty sure Catherine's stronger than you though.

Anne: Not true.

Anna: Bottom.

Parrward: *giggling off to the side*

Anne: Correction: Switch

Parrward: *giggling intensifies*

Jane: *unresponsive mom*

Catherine: *facepalms*

_**All (but Anne): Ooh.** _

**_Anne: Why hasn't it hit her?_ He doesn't wanna bang you, somebody hang you.**

Cath: ....you didn't actually say that though, did you?

Anne: 'Course not. I'm not as much of a b*tch as Henry is.

Jane: Language.

Anne: But I'm not Kat?!

_**All (but Anne): Uh oh.** _

_**Anne: Here we go.**_

_**All (but Anne): Your comment went viral** _

_**Anne: Well, I didn't really mean it but rumors spiral** _

Anna: _You can say that again. Henry's an asshole._

_**All (but Anne): Wow, Anne. Way to make the country hate you.** _

**_Anne: Mate, what was I meant to do? Sorry not sorry 'bout what I said. I'm just tryin' to have some fun. Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. LOL. Say, oh well. Or go to hell. I'm sorry not sorry 'bout what I said. Don't lose your head._ **

Jane, Cath, and Anna: *humming along to chorus*

_**Tried to elope, but the pope said 'nope'! Our only hope was** _

_**All (but Anne): HEN-E-RY!** _

Cath: _I can only suppose this is where the whole Protestant thing came into play._

_**Anne: He got a promotion, caused a commotion, set in motion** _

_**All: The C of E.** _

_****All (but Anne): The rules.** ** _

_****Anne: Were so outdated.** ** _

Jane: _They weren't really outdated, he just didn't like them._

_**Us two wanted to get X-RATED!** _

Jane: Anne! *mom energy intensifies*

Anne: It's just a phrase mum!

Jane: That is no excuse.

Anna: *wraps arm around Jane to calm her down*

_**All (but Anne): Soon excommunicated!** _

_**Anne: Everybody chill, it's totes God's will.** _

_***wedding music plays*** _

Catherine: *cringes at the thought of Anne and Henry getting married--but like really annoyed*

**Anne: Hold up, let me tell you how it went down. Henry's out every night on the town just sleeping around like`**

**All: What the hell?**

**Anne: If THAT'S how it's gonna be, maybe I'll flirt with a guy or three just to make him jel**

Catherine: *is somewhat jealous at the thought*

Cath: That wasn't your actual thought process was it?

Anne: *confused looks*

Cath: Sorry, I'm probably overstepping.

Anne: No, it's just, I thought you already knew my dad forced me. You know....parental issues. Whoo!

Catherine: *wraps arm around Anne and is suddenly protective*

Kat: *smiles at protective Catherine*

**Henry finds out, and he goes mental. He screams and shouts like**

**All: So judgemental!**

Cath: _Not to be rude, but I'm pretty sure we've all experienced that._

**Anne: "You damned witch!" Mate,**

**All: Just shut up!**

**Anne: I wouldn't be such a b--**

**All (but Anne): *gasp***

**Anne: If you could get it up.**

Jane: *glances at Anne*

Anne: Don't start mum.

**_All (but Anne): Uh oh._ **

**_Anne: Here we go._ **

**_All (but Anne): Is that what you said?_ **

**_Anne: And now he's going 'round like "OFF WITH HER HEAD!"_ **

**_All (but Anne): No._ **

Cath: _And gossip girl mode intensifies._

**_Anne: Yeah, i'm pretty sure he means it._ **

**_All (but Anne): Seems it._ **

**_Anne: What was I meant to do?_ **

**_All (but Anne): What was she meant to do?_ **

**_Anne: Like what was I meant to do?_ **

**_All (but Anne): What was she meant to do?_ **

**_Anne: No, but what was I meant to do?_ **

Everyone: *dance party time*

**_Sorry not sorry 'bout what I said. I'm just tryin' to have some fun. Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. LOL. Say, oh well. Or go to hell. I'm sorry not sorry 'bout what I said._ **

**_All (but Anne): Sorry not sorry 'bout what she said._ **

_**All: Sorry not sorry 'bout what I said.** _

Cath: _Aw come on! I thought this wasn't going to have harmonies. Well, at least it's just at the end._

 **_Anne: Don't lose your_ ** _head._

Anne: Guys, best song in the musical

Kat (off to the side): Thank god.

Anne: Oh wait, never mind I have a different favorite.

Kat: Dangit.

Anna: Anne? Not saying that her song is the best? That's a first.

Anne: Just wait until you hear it!

Kat: I hate you Anne.

* * *

"Could you just say your line now?" Kat asks, wanting to stray away as far as possible from--in her opinion--the worst song in the musical.

"Fine. Whatever you say 'boss'." An eye roll later, and Anne is skimming through the script to find the line.

**Anne: Yeah. What a weekend. I'm literally like, dead.**

**Kat: Wait, didn't you actually die though?**

**Anne: Yeah, it was so extra.**

Various giggles ensue from the queens, mostly because they know that Henry was _very_ extra.

**Anyway, I'm obviously the winner, so I think I'll do another solo. So my next song is about the minute I found out Catherine of Aragon had tragically died. It's called Wearing Yellow To A Funeral. Please, sing along if you know the words.**

"Oh god where is this going?" The blue queen quickly asks, knowing Anne can be very unpredictable.

"Cover Jane's ears for me would ya?"

"Anne, darling, I don't like this." When Anna starts to cover the silver queen's ear, the latter politely declines. "I'm sure I can handle it."

"You've been warned."

**_Catherine was a massive_ **

"ANNE!" The room becomes a mess, with the queens scolding Anne for including that--especially Catherine. A certain mom friend is unresponsive, only staring at the green queen.

"Sh*t I broke mum."

"Yeah I WONDER WHY?" The fifth queen, who had most recently spoken, glances over at Jane, only to immediately look away. "You're in trouble." Anne starts to curl into Catherine, Kat making her away across the circle to cuddle with Cath.

"Wait, why are the two of you so scared?" The clueless Anna then looks towards her quiet girlfriend.

"You won't understand the look. You'll NEVER understand Anna!" Jane takes a deep breath. "Sh*t it's happening."

"Anne Millie Boleyn." _Oh sh*t she actually used her full name._ The blue queen thinks, wrapping her arms around the youngest queen. "Where in your right mind does it say you can speak about another queen like that?! Let alone Catherine! Your _girlfriend._ "

"It doesn't sound too bad." Cath whispers into Kat's ear. The youngest queen shakes her head.

"She's just getting warmed up." She whispers back.

~ ~ ~

SO. A little while later you have three cuddling couples and a Jane recovering from her snap mode.

"How about a quick break so everyone calms down?" Cath suggests, leaving everyone to agree--or more like, the responsive queens. Anna tells everyone she's taking Jane to sit outside for a bit, leaving Parrward and Aralyn in the living room. _Probably a good idea after what just happened._ The first and last queen think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys was anne's comment "or woman" at the beginning a bi-joke? idk it was funny in my head, but....yea.
> 
> also I disagree with kat, haus of holbein is great every song is great


	5. Heart of Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queens react to heart of stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, kat (who they're actually listening to in the recording) does NOT sing the seymour high note.
> 
> p.s.   
> seriously, how the heck do natalie, abby, and all other seymours sing it?!

A little while later, everyone's back in the living room, still seated by couple. Each queen has now decided to sit on the floor.

"Should I keep going now?" The red queen softly asks, to get a nod from the pink. "Alright."

**Anna: Who decided you were the winner?**

**Cath: She wants another turn.**

**Catherine: HAH! Over my dead body!**

_If it weren't for the previous events, I'd say that'd be pretty funny._ The thought crosses the first queen's mind.

"Um, I'd just like to remind everyone," The youngest queen starts, "That the idea behind this is the competition, and each of us saying 'Henry was a *cough* piece of crap. And I had the worst time with him'. I hope no one is seriously offended, I just based the banter off of previous arguments we've had." One by one, the queens nod, making sure to tuck that in their minds. _Hopefully that isn't a deal-breaker._ The hoping queen thinks. "You can go now mum." A nod, then a line.

**Jane: Yeah yeah anyway, I'm pretty sure it's my go next.**

**Anna: You? Puh-LEASE!**

***Queens except Seymour laugh***

**Cath: Are you for real?**

**Kat: Yeah, weren't you the one he truly loved?**

**Catherine: Didn't you give him the son he so desperately wanted?**

**Anne: Yeah, like I had a daughter and he literally chopped my head off.**

**Jane: Yeah, okay okay, you're right.**

_I can see why Kat was confused. But since she said that, I understand why she has the others say these lines._

**Jane: You're right I was lucky. I was really lucky. I was in love,**

_But how do you fall in love with Henry?_ Everyone (but Jane of course) thinks to themselves)

**I just had a beautiful baby, Henry was happy because thank god it was an Edward......not an Edwina.**

_The only reason he 'truly loved you'._ Another shared thought from almost all the queens.

**I was so excited. For his first words, his first steps, for not getting a good night's sleep for three years.**

_You can say that again._ Catherine and Anne think to themselves, having been able to take care of their children for a while--past the three year mark.

**But I never got to see any of that. You know, people saw Henry as stone-hearted and un-caring. And I'm not sure that's right. I-I mean, don't get me wrong, I know his times with the queens before me had been hard, but, they're also full of fire! He raged, and stormed at them, and because they were both bad-ass women, they raged and stormed right back.**

_I mean, he deserved it._ Multiple queens think this, but specifically the first queen.

**But I didn't do any of that. Instead, I stood by him. Like I was made of stone. I stood firm, no matter his flaws, or his turmoils. No matter my doubts of fears, I stayed there. By his side. And that's not because I was scared. Or naive, or weak. It's because....I loved him.**

* * *

No one bothers to comment anything--out loud at least--as Kat opens up the next song.

**Jane: So, Henry.**

Anna: _So, it's dedicated to him huh? Totally fine with that. Yup. Totally fine._ (she's not)

_**You've got a good heart, but I know it changes. A restless tide, untameable.** _

Cath: _This is really good imagery. Henry was, as you can imagine, very unpredictable in terms of his temper._

_**You came my way, and I new a storm could come too. You'd lift me high, or let me fall.** _

Unnamed queen (you decide I guess?): _Not to be rude, but we all had to deal with that._

_**But I took your hand, promised I'd withstand any blaze you blew my way. 'Cause something inside it solidified and I knew I'd always stay. You can build me up, you can tear me down. You can try but I'm unbreakable. You can do your best, but I'll stand the test. You'll find that I'm unshakeable. When the fire's burnt, when the wind has blown, when the water's dried, you'll still find stone. My heart of stone.**_

Anne (in attempt to bring up the mood for herself): _Heh, I guess Jane's the next avatar, huh? Hehe........_ (it doesn't work that well)

_**You say we're perfect. A perfect family, you hold us close for the world to see. And when I say you're the only one I've ever loved,** _

Anna: *cringes*

Jane: *presses kiss to Anna's cheek* (whispering) Only back then babe. I really truly love you.

Anna: *smiles and kisses Jane* (whispering back) Thanks babe.

_**I mean those words truthfully.** _

Anne: _Yeah, mum could definitely sing that little part extremely well._

_**But I know, without my son your love could disappear. And no, it isn't fair, but I don't care. 'Cause my love will still be here.** _

Parrward: _You're too good for this world._

**_You can build me up, you can tear me down. You can try but I'm unbreakable. You can do your best, but I'll stand the test. You'll find that I'm unshakeable. When the fire's burnt, when the wind has blown, when the water's dried, you'll still find stone. My heart of stone. Soon I'll have to go. I'll never see him grow. But I hope my son will know, he'll never be alone._ **

Aralyn: _I remember thinking that when I had to leave [Mary/Elizabeth]. I wish I could've been there for her._

**_'Cause like a river runs dry, and leaves it scars behind. I'll be by your side. 'Cause my love is set in_ _stone._ **

Kat: _Okay, here comes the riffing._

_**YEAH! *and various riffing*** _

_**All (but Jane) (in background): You can build me up, you can tear me down. You can try but I'm unbreakable. You can do your best, but I'll stand the test. You'll find that I'm unshakeable. The fire's burnt, the wind has blown, the water's dried,** _

_**Jane: You'll still find stone. My heart of stooooone!** _

_**All (but Jane):** _ _**You can build me up, you can tear me down. You can try but I'm unbreakable. You can do your best, but I'll stand the test. You'll find that I'm unshakeable. The fire's burnt, the wind has blown, the water's dried,** _

_**Jane: You'll still find stone. My heart of stone.** _

* * *

No words are spoken, but tears do fall from the queen's eyes because of the touching song. Anne almost feels bad for having to ruin the moment. Almost.

**Jane: Because what hurts more than a broken heart?**

A slight pause.

**Anne: A severed head.**

Each queen looks to Anne, who gestures at the script.

"I gotta lighten the mood somehow."

_Oh sh*t. No. Hell no. Ughhhhh why does this song have to exist?!? I really don't like Haus of Holbein._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably shorter, but I feel like they wouldn't react much to heart of stone, so that's why. (also, heart of stone doesn't have that many lyrics, it's just slow that's why it's five minutes long)


	6. Haus of Holbein

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queens react to haus of holbein (and kat despises every second of it [or that's what she says])

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: no german accents were used in the making of this song
> 
> future note: when they re-record it, they will use the accents ;)

Thankfully, no one has the energy to scold Anne for the sudden change of tone (besides Anna, who found the line quite funny). _Oh just you wait._ The youngest queen thinks to herself. Meanwhile, the red queen checks the script, sees it's her turn next, and continues the readthrough.

**Anna: Now. Seeing as Henry was running out of women to marry in England, he had to look a little further afield. He had to...adjust his location settings if you will. To find his next queen, we're going to Germany! Where he visited the house of the legendary painter. Hans.....**

**All queens (whisper): Holbein........**

"Now, I want to warn everyone before I play it." The attention turns to the fifth queen. "I don't even remember how Anne managed to convince me to allow this song to be birthed. It's completely unnecessary and is, in short terms, the crackhead song that gives everyone emotional whiplash. Okay. I hit play now." At Kat's warning, Cath's, Catherine's, and Jane's eyes widen. _Oh boy, how bad is it?_ On the other hand, the two Annes are completely ecstatic.

* * *

_**Anna: Welcome to ze haus.** _

_**All: To ze Haus of Holbein! JA!** _

Catherine: *wide eyes* What the hell is this?

Kat: *points to Anne* Ask the gremlin.

Cath: It's absolutely pointless.

Kat: See, Cathy agrees with me!

Anne: She's biased! But hush, wait until the Tinder scene, and you'll see the genius behind all of this.

Catherine: ......Tinder scene?

Anne and Anna: SHHHHH!

_**OOH JA! DAS IS GUT OOH JA! JA! Ze Haus of Holbein.** _

All (except Anne and Anna un-surprisingly): *getting emotional whiplash*

_**Cath: Hans Holbein goes around ze world.** _

Cath: _I will never be this crackhead unless extremely drunk. Which almost never happens._

_**Catherine: Painting all of ze beautiful girls.** _

Catherine: _You will never see me this chaotic._

**_Jane: From Spain._ **

**_Kat: To France._ **

Jane (to Anne): Why didn't you have Catherine then you sing those lines? Since you're the ones actually from there?

Anne: ......no comment.

_**Anna: And Germany.** _

_**All: Ze king chooses one** _

_**Anne: But which one will it be?** _

Anna: This is amazing!

Kat: This is terrible!

Anne: It's genius!

Cath: It's pointless!

The youngest four: *stares and Jane and Catherine*

Jane and Catherine: Abstain.

The youngest four: *facepalms*

_**Catherine: You bring ze corsets.** _

_**Anne: We'll bring ze cinches.** _

_**Anna: No one wants a waist over -- nine inches.** _

_**Jane: So what? Ze makeup contains lead poison?** _

_**Kat: At least your complexion will bring all ze boys in.** _

Catherine: Okay, so it's about the extreme beauty standards?

Anne: *proudly nods*

Jane and Catherine: *looks at each other*

Jane: We're still not sure our stance on this.

The youngest four: UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

_**All: Ignore ze fear and you'll be fine! We'll turn this vier into a nine! So just say 'ja' and don't say 'nein'!** _

Anna: Oh my god you added German into it!!

Kat: *rolling eyes* Could you not already tell from the beginning? "Ja" was one of the first words in the song.

Anna: I mean, people say that all the time.

Kat: "Das is gut"?

Anna: .......let's just continue listening.

_**'Cause now you're in ze Haus, in ze Haus of Holbein! JA! OOH JA! DAS IS GUT OOH JA! JA! Ze Haus of Holbein.** _

Anne and Anna: *chaotic dancing*

Parrward: *shaking heads*

Jane and Catherine: *still indifferent*

_**Anne: We must make sure ze princesses look great. When their time comes for their Holbein portrait.** _

_**Catherine: We know what all ze best inventions are to hold everything up,** _

_**Kat: Ja, it's wunderbar!** _

Jane: Uh, Anna, translation?

Anna: Wunderbar means wonderful.

Jane: Thanks babe.

Anna: No problem.

_**Jane: For blonder hair, then you just add a magical ingredient from your bladder.** _

All (but Jane): *looks at Jane*

Jane: Yes, I did have to, and I despised every second of it.

_**Cath: Try these heels, so high it's naughty.** _

**All:** **But we cannot guarantee that you'll still walk at forty.**

All: *laughing*

Anne and Anna: AHA SO YOU DO LIKE IT!

Parrward: *shakes head*

Kat: No, just the one line.

Anne and Anna: *looks at--

Jane: Nothing's changed for us either, sorry darling.

_**Ignore ze fear and you'll be fine! We'll turn this vier into a nine! So just say 'ja' and don't say 'nein'!** _

Cath: _Darn harmonies._

_**'Cause now you're in ze Haus, in ze Haus of Holbein! JA! OOH JA! DAS IS GUT OOH JA! JA! Ze Haus of Holbein.** _

* * *

"Okay guys, now it's the Tinder scene. I'd ask you all to use accents, but sadly the mighty Kat has forbidden the use of German accents."

"WHAT? We should totally use German accents!"

"Right? I asked Kat if we could record Haus of Holbein in accents, and she said no." At this, the fourth queen turns to the fifth. 

"How could you? It's only the best idea ever?!"

"It only adds to the complete and udder idiocy that is this song!"

"Katherine Howard. My friend. My cousin. My _baby_ cousin. The crackhead song is happening, and we are adding German accents."

"NO!"

"PLEEEEEAAAASSSSEEE?" It's not uncommon to find Anne and Anna begging. It _is_ uncommon, however, for Catherine to be the first to give in. Not long after, Jane gives in, and much to the pink queen's dismay, Cath gives in as well.

"Cathyyyyyyyy!"

"Sorry Kitty." Puppy dog eyes: tool number one in the art of Howard Hypnosis. "Why don't we just try it out? You're still the boss." Kat takes a deep breath, trills her lips as she breathes out, and gives in, resulting in two very loud queens (you know who).

"Fine, but no one better break character got it?" Each queen gives the director a nod, and the Tinder scene begins.

**Catherine: Ze time has come for you to select your bride your highness.**

**Kat: May we present, Christina of Denmark.**

"Whoa. You actually put that in the musical." Anna points out.

**Jane: Looking for mates, dates, and a British monarch looking to secure the line of succession.**

The queens look to Catherine, remembering that she'd taken the role of reading stage directions. Rolling her eyes, the golden queen does her job.

"Imitate Henry swiping left."

**Anne: Nein? Ah, never mind. She already has a match with the Duke of Milan, anyhow.**

**Anna: Okay NEXT!**

**Anne: Your highness, may we present, Amalia of Cleves.**

**Cath: Just a troubled girl, trying to live ze English dream. #NoCastle #BabyDowry**

"Henry swipes left again, what a surprise."

**Cath: Nein? Okay not enough.**

**Catherine: Okay who's next?!**

"Kat, do you actually want us to discuss it or...."

"No, it's fine, let's move on."

**Kat: Anna!**

**Anne: Fantastic!**

**Catherine: Wunderbar! Your highness, your highness, your highness! We are honored to present to you, Anna of Cleves!**

**Anne: Ze most beautiful woman in all of ze Holy Roman Empire.**

**Cath: And let me assure you, her Holbein has definitely done her justice.**

"Henry, as we know, swipes right."

"Aw thanks guys." Anna comments. "Very flattering."

**Catherine: Ah, sehr gut! And I think we can say with some certainty, you will be happily married for many years to come!**

**Kat: Ah, I can see it now: Henry ze 8th and his famous four wives!**

"Hah. He certainly went the other way with that." The sixth queen mentions, causing everyone to giggle harder than they were before.

**Jane: Ah. No need to thank us. Ze pleasure has been ours**

"NO!" Kat, Cath and Catherine reject the next line that comes up (Jane is indifferent).

"Come on! It's just for ze exit!" _........Fine._ Each skeptical queen thinks, giving the red and green queens an eye roll. Kat starts cueing them in. _1, 2, 3,_

_**All: IN ZE HAUS OF HOLBEIN!** _

"We're gonna have a shorter version of the Haus of Holbein instrumental as all of us but Anna leaves." The second queen steps up, reminding various queens of her status as assistant director. "Then we end with..." Gesturing to the director, Anne waits expectantly. With another eye roll the pink queen cues them in one last time.

_**Ze Haus of Holbein.** _

_OH THANK GOD IT'S DONE! Only problem now, is that now I can't cut it out if it makes Anna this happy. Ughhhhhhhhhhh. I still hate this song._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't comment that i got the parts wrong, i based it off of the bootleg. (if i got the lyrics or lines wrong, pls correct me)
> 
> guys i started this right after i posted heart of stone, and now it's currently 1:19 am where I am sooo....... yeah.  
> You better have enjoyed this. I could be sleeping right now but I'm on my laptop instead.  
> (jk my peeps, i just can't sleep :/ are you proud of me? i got two chapters within one night [for me idk what the time is for you])


	7. Get Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queens react to get down

"Okay, thank god that mess is over."

"You can say that again."

"What do you mean? It was a masterpiece!!"

"Only the greatest song in the entire musical."

"I beg to differ."

"Girls, let's just continue reading."

".......okay mum."

**Anna: Well, I guess you already know what happened next. I came to England, hopeful. Summoned after the king saw my portrait, and how I with my meager looks the way they are, didn't live up to his expectations.**

_The only people who might_ _have lived up to his expectations are Jane and Cath. Even then, it's sketchy._ Catherine thinks to herself.

**I mean, it's the usual story, isn't it? A savvy, educated, young princess. Deemed repulsive by a wheezing, wrinkled, ulcer-riddled man 24 years her senior!**

Each queen laughs at the description of the man everyone despises.

**Rejection! Rejection from a king! How could anyone overcome a fate as devastating,**

The giggling only gets louder at Anna's dramatics.

**as being forced to move into a resplendent palace in Richmond? With more money than I could spend in a lifetime! And not a single man around to tell me what to do with it!**

The laughter starts to subside as it gets to the end of Anna's monologue.

**I mean seriously, just tragic!**

* * *

***first note plays***

Anna: *jaw drops* AW HELL YEAH!

_**Anna: Sittin' here all alone. On a throne. In a palace that I happen to own.** _

Catherine: _Bragging much?_

**_Bring me some pheasant--keep it on the bone._ **

Cath: _You're kind of showing how Henry thought she was of no class. Smart._

**_Fill my goblet up to the brim. Sippin' on mead and I spill it on my dress with a gold lace trim. Not very prim and proper._ **

Jane: _I guess it's a matter of opinion because she can control herself when she must._

**_Can't make me stop. I wanna go hunting any takers? I'm not fake 'cause I got acres and acres. Payed for with my own riches. Where my hounds at? Release the b*tches._ **

Jane: *is concerned (inner mom) but understanding 'cause it's the only cuss in the show*

_**All (but Anna): Woof.** _

Jane: _Oh so it's the other meaning. Okay. I can live with that. I mean, there's already cussing in this house I should be used to it by now._

Everyone else: *giggling because woof*

_**Anna: Everyday, get back for a round of croquet, yeah.** _

Cath: Croquet didn't exist yet, is that a Heathers reference?

Anne: ..........maybe? (Heathers is her favorite musical)

_**'Cause I'm a player.** _

Jane: *is confused*

Anna: Don't worry babe, I'm wholeheartedly committed to you.

jane: *smiles*

_**And tomorrow I'll hit replay.** _

Anna: Oh I'll be hitting replay. On this, and every single song in this musical.

Anne: Including Haus of Holbein?

Anna: Including Haus of Holbein.

Parrward: *shakes head*

_**All: You,** _

_**Anna: you said that I tricked ya.** _

_**All: '** _ _**Cause I,** _

_**Anna: I didn't look like my profile picture.** _

Cath: _You probably did, Henry was just close-minded._

_**All: Too,** _

_**Anna: too bad I don't agree. So I'm gonna hang it up for everyone to see. And you can't stop me 'cause I'm the queen of the castle, get down you dirty rascal, GET DOWN!** _

All: *jamming, vibing, dancing, all the things*

 _**Get down! Get down you dirty rascal, GET DOWN! Get down! 'Cause I'm the queen of the castle.** _ **You're alright gorgeous. Listen.** _**When** **I get bored, I go to court!** _

Anna: True dat.

Kat: *smiles, remembering seeing Anna in court*

_**Pull up outside in my carriage, don't got no marriage so I have a little flirt with the footman, as he takes my fur.** _

_**All (but Anna): *gasp*** _

_**Anna: As you were.** _

Cath: _This sounds just like Anna._

**_Makin' my way to the dance floor. Some boys make an advance--I ignore them. 'Cause my jam comes on the lute. Lookin' cute._ **

**_All: Das is gut._ **

Anna: YAY MORE GERMAN!

Kat and Anne (despite being the ones who wrote this lol): _We stan._

**_Anna: All eyes on me!_ **

**_All: No criticism._ **

**_Anna: I look more rad than_ **

**_All: Lutheranism._ **

Cath and Catherine (aka the more religious queens): _...........Okay._

**_Anna: Dance so hard that I'm causin' a sensation. Okay ladies let's get in Reformation._ **

Cath and Catherine: _Ha. Religion pun._

Anne: _Ugh. Puns._

_**All: You,** _

_**Anna: you said that I tricked ya.** _

_**All: 'Cause I,** _

_**Anna: I didn't look like my profile picture.** _

_**All: Too,** _

_**Anna: too bad I don't agree. So I'm gonna hang it up for everyone to see. And you can't stop me 'cause I'm the queen of the castle, get down you dirty rascal, GET DOWN! Get down! Get down you dirty rascal, GET DOWN! Get down! 'Cause I'm the queen of the castle.** _

All: *more jamming, dancing, and vibing*

 **Alright pretty girl, let me tell you a little secret. _Now_** _**I ain't sayin' that I'm a gold digger, but check my prenup and go figure!** _

All: *cheering because we stan*

_**All: Got gold chains.** _

_**Anna: Symbolic of my faith to the higher power.** _

Jane: _Right, you and Henry were pretty cool after your divorce._

**_All: In the fast lane._ **

**_Anna: My horses can trot up to twelve miles an hour._ **

Catherine: .......was that supposed to be a dirty joke?

Beheaded cousins: *eyes widening* I don't know at this point it wasn't originally.

_**Let me explain: I'm a Wienerschnitzel, not an English flower.** _

The queens who don't understand: *looks to Anna*

Anna: Uh, a Wienerschnitzel is basically a thin, breaded, pan-fried veal cutlet. It's really good, I'll have to get some for you guys.

The queens who used to not understand: Ohhhhhh.

Cath: _When you think about it, the line shows that she never saw herself as English. If I remember correctly, she was never accustomed to English culture, including clothing, traditions etc._

**_No one tells me I need a rich man. Doin' my thing in my palace in Richmond!_ **

All: *more cheering*

_**All: You, you said that I tricked ya. 'Cause I, I didn't look like my profile picture. Too, too bad I don't agree. So I'm gonna hang it up for everyone to see. And you can't stop me 'cause**_

_**Anna: I'm the queen of the castle, get down you dirty rascal,** _

_**All: GET DOWN!** _

All: (you know the drill, everyone's dancing and stuff because we stan)

 _**Anna:** _ **Yeah, come on stand on up, do the dance with me!**

_**All: Get down!** _

_**Anna: Get down you dirty rascal,** _

_**All: GET DOWN!** _ _**Get down!** _

_**Anna: '**_ _**Cause I'm the queen of the castle.** _

All: *cheering because let's be honest we stan Anna bragging about her great life*

* * *

"Guys this is my new favorite song!" Anna exclaims a few seconds after the song ends.

"I like how the entire thing was basically Anna bragging." Cathy points out.

"Well, it's not like she's going to win." The golden queen mentions, resulting in a (mockingly) offended Anna.

"Funny you should say that Catherine." Kat starts. "Anna. Your line."

**Anna: So yeah, it was really heartbreaking.**

**Catherine: That doesn't sound difficult at all!**

"Oh. You actually thought of that." The red queen begins, slightly disappointed, until the green queen chimes in.

"Wait. Read your next line."

**Anna: Oh yeah, I guess you're right. I probably won't win then. OH WELL! BACK TO THE PALACE!**

"Pfffffff. Okay, I feel better now." Anna is the only one able to speak, even so, it's in between laughs, as the other queens are left giggling (Cath, Catherine and Jane at the actual line, the beheaded cousins more from _how_ she said it).

 _Yes. My new favorite song! Yay!_ The fourth queen thinks.


	8. All You Wanna Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queens react to aywd

"Guys I'm gonna get all angsty and flinchy so don't mind me." The youngest, and as everyone knows, the most traumatized and with the most triggers, announces out to the group.

"We won't mind because we know it's harder for you than the rest of us. But we're all here for you." The other queens say their agreements and affirmation, resulting in a little 'cupcake smile' from the pink queen.

"Thanks. Anne? Line."

"You got it m'lady."

**Anne: Now that's one horse out of the race.**

**Anna: Rude.**

**Anne: Now let's take a moment to check in with the competition. So, who's still in the running? Is it the devoted wife, the divorcee, or the one who _actually_ had problems to deal with.**

_Ha. Okay. We can deal with that. (they cannot)_

**Jane: Wait a second, my son had to deal with the loss of his mother.**

**Anne: Yeah, and it seems that my body had to deal with the loss of its head!**

"Anne your argument isn't that strong if your only loss was being beheaded." Cath points out, leaving everyone a very offended Anne.

"EXCUSE ME? I had to deal with a lot more than that. Being beheaded was just the highlight, and the most painful. Not everyone has to get their head chopped off so it should count as more points!"

"Excuse me? Not everyone has to deal with the loss of a parent. Like _my son_ did!"

"GUYS! The fight scene is later, let's just continue."

**Catherine: Please please, come on now. Don't you see what's happening? Comparing your losses isn't going to change the fact that I've already won.**

"Aw hell no!" Anne can't seem to let go as she hears this comment.

"What do you mean no? I've practically won this thing!"

"Guys, stop! Again, fight scene is later!"

**Cath: Okay, I think its time to hear from our next queen Katherine Howard!**

**Anne: Sorry, who?**

**Catherine: Oh yeah! You remember. The least relevant Catherine.**

**Anne: Oh no, yeah. We still don't care.**

**Kat: Oh, haha. Funny.**

_Wait, are they dissing my Besteline? We don't do that._

**Catherine: Yeah. Speaking of funny, good luck trying to compete with us, honey!**

***BAM* (Music)**

_But if we're being honest, Kitty does have a lot of material to compete with._

**Kat: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'm going to need all the luck I can get, your lives sounded terrible.**

"Um, of course they did, especially mine!"

"Uh, actually,"

"Now is not the time!" The pink queen, slowly losing her patience, takes a deep breath before continuing.

**And your songs.**

Everyone's (except Kat's of course) jaw drops.

**Really helped to convey that. I mean Catherine. Almost moving into a nunnery and then not. *gasp* Almost could've been really hard for you.**

_Well, don't want to argue again and piss Kat off, but how could you?_

**And Anne! Anne. Getting your head chopped off. Surely, that means you'll win the competi-oh wait, hold on a second. Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Divorced, Beheaded......*gasp* Oh wait, never mind.**

_Hey, just because you were also beheaded doesn't mean that you had it worse!_

**And Jane. Dying of, natural causes. WHEN WILL JUSTICE BE SERVED!**

_....well. That's um.....you know that's not all that happened._

**And surviving. (nothing else said)**

_Okay, you just had to play it that way Kitty._

**No, seriously, seriously Anna. All jokes aside, being rejected for your looks, LEGIT sounds really rough.**

_Aw, thanks Kat._

**I wouldn't know anything about that.**

_Okay that was dirty. You really gotta roast us all like that huh?_

"Alright, why does Kitty get to roast us all and the rest of us don't?" The blue queen complains.

"Let me be! You can't say I'm not the most likely person to do it!" Reluctantly, the other queens can't follow that comment up. Yes, Cath and Anna did roast and point out things every now and then, but the youngest seemed to be the one with the 'most material'.

**I mean, look at me, I'm really fit. So, yeah. I can't even begin to think of how I'd compete with you all. Oh wait, like this.**

* * *

_**All (but Kat): All you wanna do, all you wanna do baby.** _

**Kat:** **I think we can all agree, I'm the ten amongst these threes.**

Anne: Okay, that is not true.

Kat: I'm exaggerating. You're all tens in my heart.

All (but Kat): *swooning and blushing*

Kat: Cathy's like an 11 though.

Cath: *blushes harder and hides behind Kat*

_**All (but Kat): All you wanna do, all you wanna do baby.** _

**Kat: And ever since I was a child, I'd make the boys go wild.**

Catherine: You're still a child. You were beheaded as a child.

Kat: ExCuSe Me I aM a LeGaL aDuLt I aM aBoVe 18 i Am 20 YeArS oLd YoU cAnNoT cOmE aT mE LikE tHiS!!

Catherine: *holds up hands in defeat*

_**All (but Kat): All you wanna do, all you wanna do baby.** _

**Kat: Take my first music teacher--Henry Manox.**

All: *scoffs in disgust*

**I was young, it's true. But even then I knew. _The only thing you wanna do is. *kiss, sigh*_**

Cath: _That's going to be repeated a lot isn't it?_

**_Broad, dark, sexy Manox._ **

Catherine: But you were lesbian even back then?

Kat: I was, but that doesn't mean I couldn't see why someone would like him. Plus, we already had the ballad, so we need something like this.

All (but Kat): *unconvinced but can't think of anything else to say*

_**Taught me all about dynamics. He was twenty-three.** _

Cath: _Agh, he actually wasn't, he was more like 36. Only making it worse._

**_And I was thirteen going on thirty._ **

Jane: Why would you say that?

Kat: 'Cause I lost all my innocence and childhood.

All (but Kat) (Jane specifically): *shooketh*

_**We spent hours strummin' the lute. Strickin' the chords and blowin' the flute. He plucked my strings all the way to G, went from major to minor--C to D.** _

All: *uncomfortable at the amount of innuendos*

_**Tell me what you need. What you want, you don't need to plead.** _

Anna: Is this a seductive thing, or a cry for help?

Kat: .......up to interpretation?

_**'Cause I feel the chemistry. Like I get you and you get me.** _

Kat: _I didn't actually get you because you tricked me in the end. They all did._

_**And maybe this is it. He just cares so much it feels legit. We have a connection. I think this guy is different.** _

Anne: _But he wasn't any different than most guys back then. Sly, selfish, insensitive, the list goes on._

**_'Cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is touch me, love me, can't get enoughsies. All you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is please me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me._**

Cath: _I think the birds and the bees is probably referring to how young she was._

Anna: _Well, at least she's telling people what actually happened._

Catherine: You know, the true meaning is going to fly right above some people's heads.

Kat: Screw them.

_**Run your fingers through my hair. Tell me: I'm the fairest of the fair. Playtime's over.** _

Anne: _Another reference to a lost childhood._

 **_The only thing you wanna do is *kiss, sigh*_ ** **But then there was another guy...Francis.**

All (but Kat): _Go away or we will make you go away._

**And at the time I was living at my step-grandma's house. He was working for her. And he worked so, so hard. So he asked me to be his little piece of ass....istant.**

Jane: _Not very promising._

**_Serious, stern and slow. Gets what he wants and he won't take no._ **

Cath: *protective girlfriend vibes*

_**Passion in all that he touches, the sexy secretary to the Dowager Duchess.** _

Anna: Dowager Duchess?

Kat: That's who my step-grammy was.

Anna: _The way she refers to her step-grandma is still kind of innocent. And she didn't bother to protect her? You little --_

**_Helped him in his office had a duty to fufill. He even let me use his favorite quill, spilled ink all over the parchment--my wrist was so tired._ **

All (but Kat): *uncomfortable because there're more innuendos*

_**Still I came back the next day as he required.** _

Cath: *slowly wraps arm around Kat because protective gf*

Kat: *leans into touch*

**_You see, I'm all you need. All you want, you don't need to plead. 'Cause I feel the chemistry. Like I get you and you get me. And I know this is it._ **

All: _Sadly, it's not._

**_He just cares so much, this one's legit._ **

Jane: You make it sound like you're so sure.

Kat: That's what 15 year old me thought.

All (but Kat): *concerned*

_**We have a real connection.** _

Catherine: Wait I just realized, connection is one of your trigger words right? Oh wait, I just said it, um sorry.

Kat: Catherine, it's fine. I've gotten past it.

Catherine: *unconvinced but stays quiet*

_**I'm sure this time is different.** _

All: _But it's not._

**_'Cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is touch me, love me, can't get enoughsies. All you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is please me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me. You can't wait a second more to get, my corset on the floor._ **

Anne: _I will find every single one of you and put you in your place. Granted, you're already in hell but I WILL make sure you pay._

**_Playtime's over. The only thing you wanna do is *kiss, sigh*_ **

Anna: _It's really sad, but it's more like a hidden sad because it's not slow like Jane's song._

**So yeah, that didn't work out. Turns out some men just want to employ girls to get them into their private chambers. Different time back then.**

All (but Kat): *nervous laughter as they get the joke but still sad*

**So I decided to have a break from boys, just focus on my career and my dad got me this amazing workplace in court! And you'll never guess who I met.**

Cath: _Okay sarcasm._

**_Tall, large, Henry the 8th. Supreme head of the church of England._ **

Anna (sarcastically): What, nothing good about Henry?

Kat: Name one good-looking thing about him.

All: *is silent*

Kat: Exactly.

_**Globally revered. Although you wouldn’t know it from the look of that beard.** _

Anne and Anna: *chuckles*

_**Made me a lady in waiting hurled me and my family up in the world. Gave me duties in court and he swears it’s true, that without me he doesn’t know what he’d do.** _

Anne: _Uh, find someone else most likely._

**_You see, I’m all you need. All you want we both agree. This is the place for me. I’m finally where I’m meant to be, then he starts saying all this stuff._ **

Jane: _Yes, he did that to me too. Lady in waiting and then wife._

**_He cares so much, he calls me love._ **

All (but Kat): *more protective vibes*

Kat: *sensing this and is appreciative (but also doesn’t want to be babied)*

_**He says we have this connection. I guess it’s not so different.** _

Cath: _So at this point she’s losing hope. I get that._

_**'Cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is touch me, love me, can't get enoughsies. All you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is seize me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me.** _

Anne: _I didn’t realize it before, but it changes from please to seize here. I guess it’s cause of Henry huh?_

**_There’s no time for when or how ‘cause ya just got to have me now. Playtime’s over. The only thing you wanna do is. *kiss, sigh*_ **

Catherine: _If I had been alive, i’d have told Henry he’s crazy. Of course, it probably wouldn’t work, but it couldn’t hurt to try._

**So we got married. Whoooooo!**

Anne (sarcastically): Wasn’t marrying Henry the best thing that’s happened to us?

Everyone else: *sarcastic agreeing*

**_With Henry it isn’t easy. His temper’s short, and his mates are sleazy._ **

Jane: _That’s right, you had to deal with the highest point in of his anger issues. By the time Cath came around, I’m pretty sure it had gone down a bit._

**_Except for this one courtier, he’s a really nice guy, just, so sincere._ **

Anna: _The biggest betrayal of your life._

**_The royal life isn’t what I planned, but Thomas is there to lend a helping hand. So sweet makes sure that I’m okay, and we hang out loads when the king’s away._ **

Cath: *protectiveness intensifies* _The little b*tch!_

**_This guy, finally, is what I want the friend I need! Just mates, no chemistry!_ **

Anne: _Now I feel really bad that Rocky and Maud aren’t back. I know she’s said it before, but Rocky was her only friend. Everyone else turned the tables around._

**_I get him and he gets me. And there’s nothing more to it. He cares so much he’s devoted. He says we have a connection...._ **

Cath: _Oh wait, I remember this..._

_**I thought this time was different, why did I think he'd be different, but it's never! EVER! Different!** _

All (but Kat): *making sure Kat is okay because of what happened before*

_**'Cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is touch me, when will ENOUGH be enoughsies! All you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is seize me, don't care if you don't please me! Bite my lip and pull my hair, as you tell me I'm the fairest of the fair!!** _

_**All (but Kat): Playtime's over. Playtime's over.** _

_**All: Playtime's OVER!** _

_**Kat: The only thing, the ONLY thing, the only thing you wanna do is. *kiss, squeal*** _

All: *is silent*

Cath (after a while): Um, what was the squeal for?

Anne: I remember she told me it was to show she was beheaded. And then she said something about being done.

All (but Kat): *Shooketh*

* * *

"Kitty, babe are you alright?" The pink queen doesn't respond, just sits there.

"Kat?" At this point, the youngest queen starts rocking back and forth. Her eyes are wide open, and her lips quivering. In attempt to get a response, Anne tries to reach out and put her hand on her shoulder; however the second queen only gets a smack in return. _What's going on?_

"What's going on you say? What's going on is that you betrayed me. You all did. I thought I could trust you. I really did. I can't trust anyone anymore. I hate you. I hate you all."

"Kat, what did we do?"

"YOU ACT AS IF YOU DON'T KNOW?! I told you! You all betrayed me! The four of you!" _The four....oh. It's not us._ "You all ruined my life when you f*cking raped me okay?! There! I said it! Now LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Throwing a glass of water at Kat's face wouldn't have been the first option for the queens, but it seems to be the best option as Kat immediately snaps out of it.

"Wha......" The fifth queen doesn't seem to remember anything. _I don't know if that's a good or bad thing._ The head of the house thinks to herself. "What happened?"

"You got triggered by your song." At the thought of it, Kat starts to curl up into a ball, but this time, it's more out of shame than out of triggered panic. And this time, she doesn't flinch at the contact from the other queens. One by one, each queen starts to cuddle the young queen, turning into a cuddle pile. The cuddles make everyone feel warm and calm, specifically Kat.

"I'm good now." Kat says after a few minutes. "Let's try to not get too overhand with this next section okay?" After an agreement is said from each queen, everyone moves back into a circle, unconsciously in order, though most of that came with the relationships being in order.

* * *

**Kat: And THEN I was beheaded.**

**Cath: Wow, that got really real just then.**

**Kat: Yeah, yeah, I guess it did. And you know by the rules of the competition, I am now the leading lady of the group Maria HIT IT!**

***the queens talk over each other***

(funny because that actually happened in real life during the readthrough)

**Jane: You had it bad, but that was not the most heart wrenching song we’ve heard this evening.**

**Kat: Um, excuse me? Were you not listening to my song? There were four choruses. THATS HOW MUCH SH— I had to deal with.**

_That doesn't make you the winner._

**Anne: Yeah, being manipulated by men and paying the price. None of us could possibly imagine what that--oh wait I did experience that.**

**Catherine: Yeah. For like the last five minutes of your marriage Anne!** **Men have manipulated me from day one!**

_Oh my god you're going to have this dramatic monologue aren't you? Well guess what? You're not going to win!_

**I was literally shipped over from a foreign country, not knowing a single word of English to marry some random dude!**

**Anna: OH MY GOD SAME!**

_Two can play at that game._

**Catherine: Oh okay, fine. Fine. But then, when Henry decided that he had enough of me, he didn't even have the decency to say goodbye!**

**Anne: Uh same.**

**Kat: Oh yeah, same! Nice neck by the way.**

***Anne and Kat hi-five***

Various queens laugh at the comment.

**Catherine: OKAY, how about this. When my one and only child had a raging fever, Henry didn't let me. Her _mother_ \--**

**Jane (interrupting): OOOHHHHHH BOO HOO! Baby Mary had the chicken pox and you weren't there to hold her hand you know, it's funny. Because when I wanted to hold my newborn son, I DIED!**

_Oh damn Jane snapped. Well, it's not snap mode, but still._

**Anna: Guys I have the plague!**

***queens are worried***

**Anna: LOL just kidding, my life's amazing!**

_And this is why you won't win._

**But in defense of me, I was humiliated on an international scale.**

**Anne: Oh yeah. I can't imagine what that must've felt like. WHO ELSE COULD POSSIBLY RELATE?!**

_Henry literally had me beheaded so he could humiliate me!_

**Catherine: Oh pipe down Anne! You wanna talk about humiliation? When I was queen Henry had not one. Not two. But THREE historically confirmed mistresses.**

"And guess what? One of them was your SISTER! I guess it runs in the family huh?" Catherine adds on after her line. _This isn't looking too good._ The last queen thinks to herself--she didn't want the competition to actually happen in real life, she was just going along with it for the plot.

"You really wanna talk about my family huh? Okay! I'll talk about them! Henry decided that to get rid of me, he'd tell everyone that I cheated on him with some dudes and then accused me of incest. AND THEN he had me watch my brother George's head get chopped off right in front of me!"

**Anne: When I queen I had not one. Not two. But three! Miscarriages!**

**Catherine: Well you know Anne Bo-loser? I had five miscarriages!**

"Okay, but could anything _really_ be worse than having your _child_ grow up without any memory of you?"

"WHEN HENRY DIVORCED ME I WAS BANNED FROM SEEING MY DAUGHTER!"

"OH YEAH, WELL ELIZABETH HAD TO WATCH ME DIE! SHE WATCHED MY HEAD GET CHOPPED OFF!"

"YEAH BOO HOO! I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AND RAPED FOUR TIMES CAN ANY OF YOU BEAT THAT?!"

The room starts to get louder with arguments, which somehow turns into a screaming contest. Cath, who had always preferred quiet over loud noises, has to cover her ears in order to keep her sanity. Eventually however, the last queen has had enough of the arguing. 

**Cath: STOP! STOP! THAT'S ENOUGH!!**

At the sound of the blue queen's voice, the house goes silent.

"This has gotten out of hand. Alright? Listen, I know that each of us has had our own bad experiences with Henry and with other people in our past lives. But can't we just accept that none of that matters now? I'd like to remind each and every one of you that this competition is entirely fake. Kat made it up, and heck, even she got involved in the mess we had just now." A wave of shame washes over the other five queens. "It's the 21st century, Henry is good and dead, and we're going to tell the world what actually happened all those years ago. But we can't do that if we get caught up in the competition."

"Cathy's right." The attention is turned to the youngest of the queens. "We all went through things that got covered up by Henry's story and what he told people. That's why I started this. I'm sorry for the things I said to you guys, and for getting caught up in my own plot." One by one, the queens say their apologies, and once they're done, Cath gives them a proud smile.

"Thank you Cathy for bringing us to our senses." Thank you's are passed around as well.

"I'm glad I did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i unconsciously make kitty's chapter longer, but that's 'cause it's "easy" i guess (idk how to describe it) to write her experience because backstory? idk. just deal with it. it's who i am.
> 
> (it's also kind of funny because you'd think you write the most for your favorite queen heh.)  
> (boleyn is actually my favorite, howard is my second [or is it parr? idk. i'm very indecisive])
> 
> as for some of the fight scene reactions, i couldn't tell who would say what, so I just wrote in the thoughts. hope you had fun with that.


	9. I Don't Need Your Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queens react to IDNYL

"So we all ready to continue?" An affirmative nod comes from all the queens. "Take it away Anna."

**Anna: Yes, she's right. Catherine, your turn. Take it away.**

When no one answers, Catherine points out the next words in the script.

"Kat, I think you're supposed to be playing something." The youngest queen's eyes widen, embarrassed she forgot what was in her own script, and she frantically starts typing on her laptop, apologizing.

"Cathy, just let this play for a few seconds before saying your line. M'kay?" A nod from the last queen, and Kat hits play. The intro to another song starts to play, leaving the other queens to wonder if it was originally a bad write for Cath's solo song.

**Cath: You know what? I'm good.**

Kat slowly adjusts the volume of her laptop, as if to mimic the music fading out.

**Thanks. Yeah. I can't keep, I can't keep doing this.**

"So, Cath is the one who tells us all to stop." The red queen points out, and once she does, the follow up comes from Anne.

"Both on and off-stage it seems like." This earns a laugh from all the queens, but they all know that'd it had been Cath to resolve most of their arguments--that is, when Anna's 'don't get involved, let them handle it' technique doesn't work out.

"Okay, so there's this awkward silence, then..."

**Anne: hehe........ What?**

**Cath: Sorry. I'm sorry but.....it's just um....we're here, in front of all these people, just being like: "Let's see who gets the biggest cheer! Trauma! Abuse! Whoo! Should we really be doing this?**

**Jane: I mean, we've literally been doing it for the last hour so...**

"Has it really only been an hour?" Catherine asks. Her answer comes from Jane, as she shakes her head.

"It's been slightly longer due to the couple of breaks we've had."

**Cath: I know, but. Miscarriages? Really? Surely that a bit...**

**All (but Cath): Ooooooooohh**

**Anna: Someone's got a conscience all of a sudden!**

**Kat (imitating Cath): I'm Catherine Parr. I draw the line in arbitrary places.**

"That is a terrible impression of me."

"That's the point babe."

**Catherine: You know what queens? She just knows she's not gonna win.**

**Jane: Yeah, yeah so she's trying to make us look stupid by playing by the rules unlike everyone else.**

"Here it says we're all laughing and forming a gossip circle, excluding Cath."

"Rude."

" _WHEN MY SON WAS NEWLY BORN, I DIED._ " The burst into song comes from Anna--which is surprising considering she's only heard the song once. When the attention is turned to her, she apologizes. "....Sorry. Couldn't help myself."

**Cath (trying to interrupt): No no no....Do you not?.....OKAY! Okay, okay. You know what? Queens, if it's a sob story you want, then I'm going to give you one.**

**Kat: Oh, are you sure Catherine? Are you sure you don't want to stick to the backing vocals? You know, where you belong?**

"I don't actually mean it Cathy...." The pink queen whispers into her girlfriend's ear.

"I know."

**Cath: No, no. You're right. I should sing a song. It's only fair. Go on queens, take a seat.**

"We all go sit down, and Cath move.....DC?" Catherine questions the shorthand that's written in the script.

"Oh, that's stage directions. DC means down center, which in other words means the front of the stage." The theatre major replies, somewhat forgetting that she's the only one familiar with the technical terms.

"Why not just say that?"

"It's faster."

**Ladies, how about we try something a little bit....different? Joan, could you give me a cheeky little, B flat major 7th?**

From Kat's laptop, the chord plays, followed by soft music meant to back up Cath's monologue.

**Perfect. So, just a bit of context. I've actually had my fair share of marriages. Something Henry and I had in common, I guess. Though, unlike him, I did manage to get through them without decapitating anyone.**

Small laughter slightly emerges from the queens. The tone of the group is slightly calmer and more attentive, due to the soft, slow music playing out of the laptop.

**I know, gold star for Catherine Parr. But they had this, really annoying habit of passing away, and so I was dealing with incapacitating grief. I also had to keep finding new husbands to avoid being ostracized. Yup, Tudor womanhood, all I've ever known.**

_All any of us ever knew back then._

**And then one day, finally, I meet this, guy--Thomas. He seemed like he might stick around for a while and you guessed it. He turned out to be the love of my life. We had this plan to get married, actually. But that's when Henry turned up. Single, and ready to make some unsuspecting woman his wife.**

_All of us know what that's like..._

**Just my luck. So, that was that. I had to write a letter to Thomas.....ending things. Dear Tom.**

* * *

_**Cath: You know I love you boy. In every single way. Though I love you boy. I'll miss you everyday. Oh I love you boy. I wish that I could stay with you, and keep the life I made with you.** _

Jane: _Honestly, this also sounds like me with Henry--back then I mean._

**_And even though this feels so right, I'm holding back the tears tonight. It's true I'll never be over you. 'Cause I have built a future in my mind with you. And now the hope is gone, there's nothing left for me to do._ **

Cath: This....actually sounds like my letter to Thomas. *looks to Kat* How'd you....

Kat: Um..I was just imagining us and what I'd say if Henry had to take me away from you.

Cath: *hugs and kisses Kat*

All (but Parrward): *swooning at how cute the youngest two queens are*

_**You know it isn't true, but I must say to you, that I don't need your love. No, no. I don't need you love. No, no. It'll never be better than it was, no, no. But I don't need your love. No, no.** _

Anna: _Why does this seem like a high school TV show or something where the main couple is breaking up because they're going off to college? I know it's completely different, but still._

_**I've got no choice.** _

Catherine: _Did any of us though?_

**_With the king I stay alive--never had a choice. Been a wife twice before, just to survive. I don't have a choice. If Henry says it's you then it's you._ **

Anne: _The sad truth of it._

_**No matter how I feel it's what I have to do. But if somehow I had that choice. No holding back I'd raise my voice--I'd say: Henry yeah it's true. I'll never belong to you!** _

All: *cheering 'cause Henry sucks*

_**'Cause I am not your toy to enjoy 'till there's something new! As if I'm gonna give up my boy, my work, my dreams, to care for you? HAH! Darling get a clue. There's nothing you can do.** _

Anna: YAS GURL! Put that asshole in his place!

 _**I don't need your love. No, no. I don't need you love. No, no. There's nothing left to discuss, no, no. But I don't need your love. No, no.** _ **But the thing is...**

Jane: _Wait what?_

Catherine: _What happened to the Henry's a d*ck verse?_

**I can't say that. Not to the king. So this is goodbye. All my love, Catherine.**

Jane: So all of that was the letter?

Cath: Not in my actual letter to Thomas, but I suppose so in the song.

Beheaded cousins: *proud nod*

_**So I sent that letter to my love, got married to the king, became the one who survived.** _

Cath: It's not as specific as the others....

Kat: Because your main goal for this song is to get the others to realize that fighting is pointless.

Cath: I figured, but it'd still be nice.

Kat: I'll make sure the whole world knows your story babe! Don't worry!

Cath: *smiles*

All (but Parrward): *swooning at more cuteness and fluff that is their relationship*

_**I've told you about my life, the final wife. But why should that story be the one I have to sing about?** _

Cath: _Okay, I love the message, but seriously, the vocals._

Anna: _Ooooooh chromatics!_

_**Just to win? I'm out! That's not my story! There's so much more remember that I was a writer! I wrote books, and psalms, and meditations. Fought for female education!** _

Jane: You did?

Cath: Well, yeah. And I helped make sure that Mary, Elizabeth, and Edward got good education as well.

The first three: *appreciative*

_**So all my women could independently study scripture!** _

Catherine: _Right. You favored Protestant. And still do. I'm going to respect that._

_**I even got a woman to paint my picture.** _

Anna: Did they make you flattering?

All: *laughing knowing very well what Anna's referring to*

Cath: I sure hope so Anna.

_**Why can't I tell that story? 'Cause in history** _

Anne: Kat, I'm still not sure which one it's supposed to be.

Kat: I told you, whichever one you want. We're the same way in history _and_ his story.

All (but beheaded cousins): *now realizing and noticing the double meaning*

_**I'm fixed as one of six. And without him, I disappear. We all disappear.** _

Kat: *pauses the video*

* * *

"Anne and I ultimately decided to take this scene out of the recording so that it isn't too long." The other queens nod understandingly.

"Yes, I get that."

"Alright. Anne?"

**Anne: Wait...I don't get it.**

**Cath: Okay, look. Why does anyone know who we are?**

**Anne: My sick finger.**

**Catherine: Put it away babe!**

"Wait, how come Catherine gets to call Anne 'babe' various times in the show, but not the rest of us hmmm?" Kat knows that Anna is joking, but proceeds to answer the question regardless.

"I just felt like it'd be more parr-t of her character than the rest of us." The younger cousin gets a pillow thrown at her face by the older one, courtesy of the slight, and perhaps overused, pun.

**Cath: No. Okay, let me put it in a different way. Who was Henry the VII's wife?**

**Anne: Don't know.**

**Cath: Anyone?**

***say something along the lines of no***

**Cath: And who was Henry the VI's wife?**

***say something along the lines of no***

**Cath: And Henry the V's wife?**

***say something along the lines of no***

**Kat: Catherine of Valois--I MEAN WE DON'T KNOW**

"You're a little history nerd aren't you Kat?"

"Mum, I'm taking history as a minor I'm surprised you just now noticed this..."

**Cath: The point is. Is that the only reason why any of these people have come here tonight is because once upon a time....**

**Catherine: The same guy fell in love with us.**

**Cath: Right.**

**Kat: But isn't there a bigger problem here?**

**Catherine: The dissolution of the monasteries?**

"Of course Catherine would say something religious."

"Bold words for someone on the edge of doing twice their normal amount of housework for the week."

"Uhh Kat it's your line." The queens laugh at Anna's sudden turn at the thought of more housework.

**Kat: .....no. I'm talking about us. Because when we get together, as a group,**

**Anne: *gasp* Everyone notices Jane can't dance.**

"Anne!"

"My girlfriend can TOO dance! She is a beautiful dancer!" Jane blushes as Anna defends her, despite knowing that Jane does struggle more than the others do when it comes to dancing.

**All (but beheaded cousins): *scolding Anne***

**Kat: That's what I'm talking about! We compare ourselves.**

**Jane: Oh.**

**Kat: And when we're the six wives of Henry the VIII, we each become, just that.**

**Catherine: One of his wives.**

**Cath: One of six.**

_Huh, the six theme keeps popping up in my head. Granted, there are six of us. Six....I'll have to remember that for later._ The blue queen makes a mental note for herself.

**Anne: Oh, I get it. Since the only thing we have in common is our husband, grouping us together is an inherently comparative act and as such unnecessarily elevates a historical approach ingrained in patriarchal structures.**

The other queens (yes Kat too, she's still impressed) are shocked by the intellectual statement coming from the chaotic gremlin's mouth.

**Yeah, I read.**

**Cath: So basically, we're stuck.**

"Each queen complains about the situation, overlapping each other. How convenient." One would forget that Catherine is reading the stage directions if not for her comments.

**Jane: Well, what a waste of time.**

**Catherine: Yeah, there's not much we can do about it now.**

**Kat: Do you know what would be really cool though?**

**Anna: What?**

**Kat: If like, before we spent the whole show fighting, we realized that comparing ourselves would, you know, turn out to be such a mess.**

**Cath: Oh, that would've been good.**

**Catherine: Yeah, 'cause if we had realized, we could've thought of like some really cool way to like, reclaim our stories for ourselves, you know like, remove Henry's love from our lives once and for all.**

Kat smiles at the little foreshadowing she put there for her favorite song in the entire musical. Not only did the other queens help write it (unknowingly for right now), but they all got happy endings.

**Anna: Aw, we could've done it as a song!**

**All: *groaning***

**Jane: That would really tie things together so lovely.**

**Anna: If only we thought of that before.**

"Everyone looks at the audience cheekily. Is that a word?"

"Yes."

**Cath: THIS IS THE**

**All: REMIX!!**

Kat immediately presses play right after the line.

* * *

_**Catherine: So we had no choice.** _

Catherine: _Oh, so we all jump into Cath's song._

Anne: _I feel kind of bad that Cath doesn't get her own song, but I suppose it's fine._

**_Anne: But now it's us alone_ **

**_Jane: So we've got no choice,_ **

**_Anna: No, we've got no choice._ **

**_Kat: We're taking back the microphone._ **

**_Cath: I'm gonna raise my voice._ **

Kat: _You deserve to._

_**All: They always said "we need your love", but it's time for us to rise above.** _

Cath: _I love the message but must you include so many harmonies??_

**_It's not what went down in history._ **

Anne: _I honestly love that double meaning._

**_But tonight I'm singing this for me! Henry yeah I'm through! Too many times it's been told. And I have had enough love stories to get old. And you might think it's tough but I've got to let your love run cold._ **

Anna: _Obviously, you don't deserve any love._

**_We're taking back control! You need to know, I don't need your love. No, no. I don't need you love. No, no. Can't let it get the better of us, no, no. I don't need your love. No, no. I don't need your love. No, no. I don't need you love. No, no. I don't need your love, no, no. I don't need your love._ **

Catherine: _I like all the different parts I suppose. Or, is that just me?_

Cath: _.......Harmonies. Well, at least it's my song, so I can just sing on top of all of it._

**_Cath: WE DON'T NEED YOUR LOVE!_ **

All: PHEW! *saying something along the lines of "that was amazing"*

* * *

**Cath: London! We have a voice!**

"Cath, you sing the next voice. Just do whatever." The direction comes from the 'assistant director'.

**We said, we have a voooiiiiccee!**

From the side, it's clear, to Jane at least, that she's blushing at the blue queen's voice.

**And it's time to....well, we're all the leading ladies, that's what we want!**

**Anna: London, we might just be remembered for being married to Henry but,**

**Catherine: But why does anyone give a sh-- who he is?**

"Well we don't, that's for sure." Anna's comment results in a burst of laughter.

**Anne: His continental complaining.**

**Jane: His religious reforms.**

**Catherine: Well actually,**

**Kat: It's not the time Catherine.**

"Okay, so for this next part. Sorry, parr-t." A giggle here, a pair of rolling eyes there, you know, the usual. "We're all harmonizing the phrase, so to make sure it doesn't sound like a disaster, let me just teach you guys really quick." After getting pitches from a pitch-perfect Anne (who knew that?), the pink queen starts teaching the others their parts.

A certain blue queen doesn't have trouble learning her part--she can do that. It's the holding out her part when others are singing that she has trouble with.

**Cath: Or maybe it's because of his**

**All (harmonizing): SIX WIIIIIIIIVES!**

"That was amazing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag yourself: i'm anna bursting into song at the beginning
> 
> ALSO! I know that they sing the six during the interlude scene, but right now, they don't have a name for the band yet (aka it's not six yet) so I didn't put it in! (don't worry, don't lose your head ;P I'll make sure they come up with it at the end)
> 
> And if anyone knows what jane says (in the uk bootleg guys) right before anna says "if only we thought of that before" please tell me so i can add it :)


	10. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queens react to six (the song obvi)

**Kat: Alright! Before we go, we wanna leave you with this.**

**Catherine: We can redefine how we tell our stories, but we can't rewrite them.**

**Jane: And we wish we could tell you our lives had happy endings,**

**Anna: In reality, they didn't.**

**Cath: And there's nothing we can do to change that.**

**Anne: Oh well.**

"The queens turn around and start to exit. Telling it how it is you two?" The two Catherine mentions are the beheaded cousins.

"It's sappy. Like really sappy." Anna adds on.

"First off, yes it is 'sappy', but I mean, it's the ending, it's gotta be. Second, the song that comes after this is the BEST song in the musical! Regardless of what Anne the gremlin says." At the sound of her name (and Kat's diss at her favorite song), the green queen rolls her eyes. Third, this has been foreshadowed in the right before the end of I Don't Need Your Love. Fourth, each of us gets a happy ending that you all came up with! And finally, Anne it's your line again." The second queen releases a breath, thankful that her baby cousin is done ranting.

**Anne: Hold up!**

"We all turn around again, and..."

**Anne: This is OUR show and we can have literally whatever ending we want.**

**Kat: So London, seeing as we have five minutes left in the show,**

**Anna: We've decided to give you our own,**

**Jane: Slightly edited versions**

**Anna: Of what actually went down all those years ago.**

**Cath: Because after all...**

"Okay, this leads into the song, but since none of you have heard it yet, Anne and I recorded it along with the song. You'll recognize some things."

"Specifically, the melodies." Anne quickly interjects.

"But I'm glad that you all had a say in the making in this song."

"Even though you haven't heard it yet." The remaining four share some looks. _How could we have some say in this?_ Kat presses play.

* * *

_**Cath: We're one of a kind,** _

_**Kat: No category.** _

Jane and Cath: *recognizing their elements (for Jane the melody, for Cath the lyrics)*

Cath: _So this is what you used it for. Perfect._

Jane: _I remember humming this while I was setting up yesterday's dinner. I didn't think they noticed._

_**Anna: Too many years** _

_**Jane: Lost in history.** _

Anne: _There's that double meaning again._

_**Anne: We're free** _

_**Catherine: To take, our crowning glory.** _

_**All (harmonizing): For five more minutes. WE'RE SIX!** _

Cath: _I guess that old poem goes well with something huh?_

_**Catherine: He got down on one knee, but I said NO WAY!** _

Catherine: _Oh, I was humming this yesterday. I guess that's how I fit in huh?_

**_Packed my bags and moved into a nu-nu-nunnery!_ **

Cath: _Nice reference to No Way._

**_Joined the gospel choir. Our riffs were on fire at the top of the charts is where I'm gonna stay!_ **

Catherine: I know a Sister Act reference when I see one. Very sly.

Anne: *soft giggling*

Catherine: *totally not gay panicking over her girlfriend's laugh*

_**Anne: Henry sent me a poem all about my green sleeves.** _

Anna: _Hah! I remember that._

**_I changed a couple words put it on a sick beat._ **

All: *boppin' their heads to the beat* (Jane and Catherine bopping less chaotically)

_**The song blew their minds, next minute I was signed. And now I'm writing lyrics for Shakesy P.** _

Cath: You would've been like 70 or older if you lived long enough to see Shakespeare.

Anne: Shhhhhh....

_**Jane: Since my first son, our families grown.** _

Anna: _Aww that's the little tune I was humming._

**_We made a band and got quite well known. You could perhaps call us the Tudor Von Trapps._ **

Jane: Sound of Music reference?

Beheaded cousins: Only for you mum!

Jane: *is proud of her "children"*

_**I'm just kidding. We're called the Royalling Stones!** _

Cath, Anna, and Jane: Nice pun! (or along the lines of that)

Catherine: *shakes head but is appreciative*

Anne: *absolutely disgusted* _I hate puns._

_**All: We're one of a kind, no category. Too many years lost in history. We're free to take our crowning glory for five more minutes! We're six!** _

Anna: Is it just me, or does it sound like we're counting up to six?

Kat: *is ecstatic* That was EXACTLY what I was going for! Cathy, you wrote the perfect lyrics!!

Cath: *blushing* Thanks.

_**Anna: What a shame, yeah my face, it cost me the crown. So I moved to the** _

_**All (but Anna): HAUS OF HOLBEIN!** _

_**Anna: In my hometown.** _

Cath: *looks at Kat*

Kat: Anna actually told me that, and Anne wanted to add it on. I gotta deal with it too 'kay.

Cath: Fine *still annoyed*

_**His mates were super arty so I showed them how to party! Now on my tour of Prussia everybody GETS DOWN!** _

Anna: _Ehh Get Down reference!_

**_Kat: Music man tried it on, and I was like BYE!_ **

All (but Kat): _Yay no more abuse for you!_

Kat: *knows what their thinking and is glad that they care so much*

_**So I thought, who needs him? I can give it a try! I learned everything, now all I do is siiiiiing!** _

Catherine: _Heh. NIce riff there youngster._

**_And I'll do that until I die._ **

**_Cath: Heard all about these rockin' chicks. Loved every song, and each remix! So I went out and found them, and we laid down an album! Now I don't need your love! All I need is six!_ **

All (but Cath): *is touched*

Anne: Wait, but none of us got to have our endings be about the rest of us--if that makes sense. Why does Cath get to?

Cath: Well, I did get what I wanted in the end. You guys are the best thing that's happened to me, so I told Kitty that I wished we had all met a lot sooner. Ignoring the age gaps that is.

All (but Cath): *is even more touched*

_**All: We're one of a kind, no category. Too many years lost in history. We're free to take our crowning glory for five more minutes! We're six! Wa-oh, wa-oh! We're six! Wa-oh-oh-oh! We're six! Wa-oh, wa-oh! For five more minutes!** _

All: *chiming in on the number lyrics (that makes sense right?)*

_**It's the end of the show, of the histo-remix.** _

Anna: _Oh, this is from Ex-Wives._

**_We switched up the flow, and we changed the prefix. Everybody knows that we used to be six wives._ **

Catherine: _Okay, then what's the catch?_

**_But we wanna say before we drop the curtain: Nothing is for sure, nothing is for certain. All that we know is that we used to be six wiiiiiiiives!_ **

Cath: ...... *stressed at the amount of harmonies in the musical*

_**But now we're one** _

Jane: _Oh, key change!_

_**of a kind, no category. Too many years lost in history. We're free to take our crowning glory for five more minutes!** _

All: *dancing*

_**We're one of a kind, no category. Too many years lost in history. We're free to take our crowning glory for five more minutes! We're six! Wa-oh, wa-oh! We're six! Wa-oh-oh-oh! We're six! Wa-oh, wa-oh! For five, four, three, two, one more minute!** _

Beheaded cousins: *imitating the drums they know they put in there*

_**We're six!** _

* * *

"WOAH! That has gotta be one of the best musicals I've heard in my entire lifetime." Lots of ecstatic agreements are passed around, and the four queens who were just exposed to it start to get up.

"HOLD UP!" Anne calls them back to the circle.

"We're not done yet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what? two chapters? in one night? what a miracle! i know the publication date says june 10th, i'm too lazy to change it. it's 9:41 pm on june 9 here, so it's two chapters in one night.
> 
> GUYS MEGASIX IS NEXT ARE YOU READY?! 
> 
> *proceeds to sing the entire megasix by myself*


	11. MEGASIX!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queens react to megasix!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for everyone following along, i swear every comment makes my day you guys make me smile so much! 
> 
> lol, i guess y'all have a script now+reactions ;P
> 
> i hope you enjoy this last chapter!
> 
> All my love,  
> PikaPals16 <3

"What do you mean we're not done? Can we not take a break?" The first queen questions.

"No, we're not. We have something that will set us apart from the competition!" Kat adds on, quickly followed by Anne.

"It's going to help us gain a whole bunch of popularity!"

"So,"

* * *

**Kat: LONDON!!!! Do you want one more song?**

Anna: HELL YEA!!

The calm-ish queens: (along the forms of yes)

**Alright stand up on your feet hit it Maria!**

Kat: *plays the laptop recording*

**Catherine: London clap your hands!**

**Anna: Get your phones out, you're gonna wanna film this!**

Jane: But people aren't allowed to film musicals.

Anne: Normally.

All (but beheaded cousins): *realizing why they added that*

Cath: Okay, who thought of that? And can I give them a hug?

Kat: I came up with the mashup idea, Anne came up with the idea to film it!

Cath: Get over here both of you!

Parrward+Anne: *group hug*

Clevmour+Catherine: *joining in*

**Cath: And most importantly, get ready to dance!**

**All: HEY!**

**Anne: Make some noise for Maggie!**

**Maggie: *guitar solo***

Anne: _Maggie would do it better than my really bad guitar playing, but I'll see her later!_

**Anna: We got Bessie!**

**Bessie: *bass solo***

Anna: _I wonder how they knew Bessie played bass. Then again, Anne did tell Kat about the ladies in the first place._

**Jane: Show some love, for Joan!**

**Joan: *keys solo***

Jane: _Oh so here I introduce Joan. That's nice, I'm glad._

**Catherine: And senorita Maria!**

**Maria: *drum solo***

Catherine: _I'll have to tell Maria about this whole thing later._

Anne: *already emitting chaotic energy*

**All: ARE YOU READY?! London! HERE WE GO!**

_**Catherine: You must think that I'm crazy, you wanna replace me? There's** _

_**All: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way!** _

All: *everyone's dancing along at this point*

_**Catherine: If you thought you could leave me, you must think I'm naive, please believe me there's** _

_**All: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-not sorry!** _

Anna: WOAH Transitions!!

Anne: Hell yeah!

_**Anne: Sorry not sorry 'bout what I said, I'm just tryin' to have some fun!** _

_**Catherine: N-n-NO WAY!** _

Catherine: _I get to interrupt Anne? Yes._

**_Anne: Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head. I didn't mean to hurt anyone!_ **

**_Jane: You can build me up! You can tear me down! You can try but I'm unbreakable!_ **

**_Anne (interrupting, idk how to write the overlap): LOL! Say oh well! Or go to hell!_ **

Anne: _Yes! My idea worked! It sounds amazing!_

**_Kat: All you wanna--_ **

**_All: Do your best! But I'll stand the test! You'll find that I've_ **

Jane: _I actually think it's nice that everyone sings the line together_

**_Jane: Got a heart of_ **

**_All: Sto-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-one! WOAH!_ **

Cath: _F*ck even the mashup has harmonies!_ *STRESS*

_**Anna: All alone, on a throne. In a palace that I happen to own** _

_**Kat: Only thing you wanna do!** _

_**Anna: Too bad I don't agree!** _

Anna: _Okay, I didn't realize how well our songs go together, but it's great!_

**_'Cause I'm the queen of the castle! Get down you dirty rasca-a-al!_ **

**_Kat: All you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is sing along TO YOUR FAVORITE QUEEN'S SONG!_ **

All (but Kat): Hey!

Kat: *shrugs* Sorry not sorry!

Anne: *resists the urge to break into her song*

_**All you wanna do, all you wanna do babe is love me, love me, l-l-l-l** _

_**Parrward: L-l-l-l-love!** _

Cath: _That transitions pretty good too! They all are!_

_**Cath: No, no. I don't need your love. No, no. It's time to rise above! No, no!** _

_**All: We don't need your lo-o-o-OVE!** _

Cath: *more stress 'cause harmonies*

All: *seriously impressed still*

_**All: 'Cause we're so much more than** _

_**Catherine: DIVORCED!** _

_**Anne: BEHEADED!** _

_**Jane: DIED!** _

_**Anna: DIVORCED!** _

_**Kat: BEHEADED!** _

_**Cath: SURVIVED!** _

Catherine: Okay, I saw that. So much more than what we're defined as?

Beheaded cousins: *proud nodding*

_**All: We're** _

Kat: We didn't record it, but that's where we'll sing the name of the band!

* * *

"That was wicked!" Anna exclaims as it finishes. "Now we definitely need to come up with a name!" The thought of it sparks a mental note that Cath had made previously. However the blue queen doesn't speak her mind just yet, in case someone else has a better idea.

Titles and band names are passed around, but nothing quite seems to fit the right vibe that everyone's thinking of. It's then that Cath is called out.

"What about you Cath?" Having spaced out for a bit, the last queen hums in response, looking up at the queen who spoke her name. "You have any ideas?"

"......Well yeah..." The sixth queen starts. Noticing the tension, her girlfriend gently squeezes her hand, and Cath's confidence returns. "Well, I noticed a recurring theme throughout the script, and thought we should use it."

"What is it?"

"Six. Just that. Six the musical." Glances are shared across the circle, and everyone seems to come to an agreement.

"I love it." The original writer says. "Six the musical it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! so the actual like making of the musical will be in a new work (not sure when it'll be posted) but i wanted to ask
> 
> do you want me to write it in first or third person?  
> i know most people on ao3 write in third, but i'm honestly more used to writing in first.
> 
> i don't mind either way, just want ur opinions on which you'd prefer, and I'll do that.
> 
> thx again for reading! see you in the next part! <3


End file.
